“You haven’t felt fully judged until you’ve been in a room full of scowling women…” (they don’t even have to be out to “do” each other, they could be in competition with each other for whatever/whoever).
This expresses what I tried to explain to a trans woman lesbian friend of mine. She was born with ambiguous genetalia, raised as a male and decided as an adult that she is a woman, a woman who feels attracted to other women.
She has referred to our heart-to-heart talk several times as being illuminating. What I said to her was that since she was raised as a male, she missed the competitiveness and pettiness that permeates girls’ relationships. And she missed the fear and defensiveness with which we (females) were raised in relating to men. Her aggressiveness expressed in dry, ribald humor can be very off-putting to other women. “Women don’t talk that way to each other,” I said. But maybe I’m wrong about that last part.
I think what you and the author have made clear is that dating is excruciating, especially if you’re a lesbian. And it holds up a mirror to all women about the way we treat each other, even outside of whatever romantic impulses we might have.