How I mastered meditation after trying for 30-years.

Background:

Growing up in India, the epicenter of yoga and meditation, you might imagine that I’d be a meditation guru by now. Surprisingly, despite starting as young as ten years old and practicing for over 30 years, I struggled to lay the foundation for a consistent meditation practice. My breakthrough came not in India, but in America, under the guidance of an Indian guru. At the ripe age of 45, I finally mastered the art of meditation.

Nowadays, I adhere to a rigorous regimen of meditating for 30 minutes, twice a day — a feat unimaginable in the past. If anyone had suggested that I, who once struggled to sit still for more than five minutes or meditated haphazardly for just 10 minutes, could accomplish this, I would’ve dismissed them outright.

So, how did this transformation occur? How did I evolve from a restless novice to someone who prioritizes meditation, regardless of my daily commitments? Are you curious to know? Then why delay? Let’s dive right in!

First experiences of meditation:

Raised in India and brought up in the Hindu faith, I was introduced to a form of meditation early in my life, a ritual we refer to as ‘Pooja’. This practice involves standing before a room filled with deities’ images each morning and offering prayers. Although this resembles meditation, it was not the kind I desired. These morning rituals were often clouded with materialistic requests rather than focusing on spiritual growth. As a child, I asked the deities for high scores on exams without investing in studying, for a boy to like me, or for my teacher to forget about the homework. As I grew older, my requests evolved, revolving around better job opportunities, an ideal life partner, stability, and financial security. Unfortunately, this approach was lacking the true essence of meditation, which is about introspection and self-awareness, not just fulfilling desires.

Throughout my teenage years and into my 20s, I made several attempts to practice meditation. I can still recall the meditation class I joined in my teens, only to abandon it by the third day, unable to remain still for more than five minutes. As a young adult navigating emotional ups and downs, I tried another meditation class. This one was hosted on a roof terrace, sheltered by a hut-like canopy. Despite my earnest search for peace, I didn’t find what I was looking for and inevitably quit again.

Life in my 30s revolved around my job, marriage, and children. Moments of longing to pursue meditation occurred, but I felt there was simply not enough time in my day to dedicate to this practice.

Then came my 40s, a unique turning point in my life. My kids were now self-sufficient, and as I hit 40, I felt as if everything was unraveling, both physically and mentally. Determined to maintain my wellbeing for the coming decades, I invested time in physical exercise and mental activities such as Sudoku and word puzzles. As I researched strategies for preserving health after 40, meditation emerged repeatedly, touted for its ability to calm the mind and counter cognitive decline.

So, in 2023, I committed to daily meditation. I downloaded a meditation app and set a reminder to meditate for 10 minutes each day. This daily achievement filled me with pride, yet each session felt disjointed. While the app provided guided meditations and daily topics, I found myself treating meditation more like a daily chore than a calming practice.

As 2023 summer rolled and the kids were out of school, I felt a strong urge to escape alone for a weekend. While exploring retreat options, I discovered a meditation retreat located just 2.5 hours from home. Without a second thought, and without any particular expectations, I signed up.

This three-day retreat started at 4 PM on a Friday and concluded at 10:30 PM on a Sunday. My main aim was to enjoy a solitary weekend in the mountains, perhaps making new acquaintances along the way.

What transpired next was nothing short of serendipity. Never in my wildest dreams could I have anticipated the profound impact this retreat would have on me.”

My weekend getaway:

I have always believed that things happen for a reason. If something is meant to occur, no matter how much you strive or resist, it will inevitably transpire. This belief shaped my approach towards the meditation retreat I attended. Usually quite private, I surprised myself by choosing to share my room with another retreat-goer.

As I drove to the mountain retreat, located about 2.5 hours from my home, while my family vacationed in Myrtle Beach, I reveled in the peaceful solitude. The journey itself was restorative, and the breathtaking scenic views around Boone, North Carolina, were a bonus.

Upon arriving and checking into my room, I met my roommate, a stranger who, like me, was surprised to find they wouldn’t be alone. Yet, as we settled and began talking, we discovered shared aspects of our lives. What was intended as a brief conversation transformed into hours of engagement, and we were late to the orientation. Throughout the retreat, we remained inseparable, sharing meals, walks, and late-night conversations.

The retreat included yoga sessions, meditation instructions, and feedback sessions. Every day, we had two meditation sessions, each lasting about 2.5 hours. They began with the instructor offering some insight into meditation before we practiced for about 20 minutes, followed by a question-and-answer session.

The type of meditation we learned was “Sahaj Samadhi,” meaning an effortless deep state of rest. The instructor stressed that the goal of this meditation is to do nothing. This meant using a secret mantra only sparingly when a chain of thoughts disrupted meditation. Keeping this mantra truly secret, we each received ours in whispered confidentiality, instructed never to utter it aloud or write it down.

“Sahaj Samadhi,” means an effortless deep state of rest.

Initially, I was skeptical. Could this simple, secret vibration truly quiet my chaotic mind? But when I applied it during the second day’s meditation session, it worked like an eraser on a cluttered whiteboard. Every time my mind started wandering, I recited my mantra mentally, and it brought me back to a calm state. This time, even though the session was longer, it felt shorter.

The instructor explained the different layers of human existence: body, breath, mind, intellect, memory, ego, and self. She described how through meditation; we peel back these layers to reach our true self or consciousness. As we delve deeper into meditation, we become less aware of our physical presence and more in tune with our inner selves.

The different layers of human existence: body, breath, mind, intellect, memory, ego, and self.

One of the most profound realizations I had during the retreat concerned the ego and self. The ego, based on years of experiences and societal and familial expectations, represents who we think we are. The self, on the other hand, is who we truly are. As we grow, unnecessary layers build up, pushing the ego and self in opposite directions. The dissonance between our perceived identity and our authentic selves causes unhappiness, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues.

The dissonance between our perceived identity and our authentic selves causes unhappiness, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues.

My newfound purpose for meditation is to slowly peel back these layers, bringing the ego and self, closer together. While I may not succeed in removing all the layers, the journey itself is valuable. This will serve as my motivation to meditate regularly and improve my practice.

How is it going?

After the retreat, the real test began maintaining the discipline to carry on meditating twice a day, for 30 minutes each time, no matter the day’s events. Surprisingly, I found myself prioritizing my meditation practice, elevating it to one of the most important tasks of my day. Everything else became secondary. I was both proud and astounded at my newfound commitment and shared my progress with my friend from the retreat.

One practice I adopted from the retreat was the instructor’s suggestion to recite three sentences before each meditation session: “I am nothing. I want nothing. I do nothing.” These phrases have proved instrumental in my practice.

“I am nothing” serves to diminish my ego, allowing my authentic self to come forward. “I want nothing” removes any expectations from the meditation practice, a stark contrast to the “want-based” meditation I performed during Pooja back in India. “I do nothing” emphasizes the effortless nature of Sahaj Samadhi meditation, reminding me that all I need to do is rest and not actively pursue any thoughts or aims.

I used to perceive meditation as a chore, a task to be crossed off the day’s to-do list. But my mindset has evolved; I now look forward to meditation. It’s no longer a chore but a replenishing act. To me, meditation is akin to sleep — a restorative pause not for my body, but for my mind. I am excited about this journey and the transformative power of a practice I once considered a chore.

Conclusion:

To wrap things up, my past 30-year journey with meditation, fraught with struggles, has finally found a solid footing after this recent retreat. Now, I’m not suggesting that you hurry to book yourself a 3-day retreat in a mountain hideaway. What I’m trying to highlight is how crucial the right foundation and tools can be for your meditation practice. For me, the missing puzzle piece was the purpose — my “WHY” for meditation, which I unexpectedly discovered during this retreat after decades of unsuccessful searching. So, if your meditation journey mirrors mine with failed attempts and fading hope, I urge you not to give up. You’re simply one revelation away from finding your “WHY”, and when you do, it will ignite a consistent and rewarding meditation practice. Best of luck on your journey!