Anyone who is murdered or dies for any reason before their time deserves to be missed, even if it is just for occupying space (though I am hard pressed to think of anyone who has to go that low to be missed). We all have something to give the world, and, when our chance to give it is taken away too soon, that is tragic.
I agree that society judges based on many attributes that fail to define the person: single parent, black, poor, rich, drug user, alcoholic, poorly dressed, well dressed, what we drive or don’t, fat, thin, married divorced, how many times? Of all of these, for absolutely no reason, black is the most judged and disparaged, and that is obscene.
So, when I started reading your article, I was right with you, except, tickling in the back of my mind, was what I have been hearing about Justine Ruszczyk [Damond] for the past week or so… It is all the same stuff: great person, kind, veterinary surgeon turned yoga and meditation instructor, mother, engaged to be married next month, and white.
[NOTE: re-reading this I realize that ‘white’ could be seen as part of what people were saying about her. I get my news mostly from the radio, and I can’t say I knew whether she was white or not for sure until I looked her up on-line.]
So, while I completely agree that it is wrong to decide whether someone “had it coming” or not based on their perceived value in the community, and especially based on something as meaningless as their skin color, I think some of what you are seeing is just the stuff people say about people when they die unexpectedly. There is something about people that makes them want to dramatize tragedy by listing out all the good that died with the victim.
I get how that all sounds when the victim is black because there seems to be an implicit comparison to other less sympathetic victims. While I am sure some completely wrong-headed people are actually making that comparison, the rest of us are just voicing our sadness about the loss. We would do that regardless of race, gender, social status, or whatever. It is how people are wired.
Your article is excellent, and certainly points out the most important fact: every person’s life is important and any person’s untimely death is a tragedy. Whether a saint or just kind of ordinary, no one should have to be eulogized to be missed: death is loss and loss should be grieved.
Thank you for writing. It will make me think twice when I am tempted to eulogize in the context of race. At least I will try to be clear that I am not comparing the victim to anyone else.
