Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Jul 29, 2017 · 3 min read

I am CIS straight male who might not be so CIS had I recognized an alternative as a child. Not that I am uncomfortable with my body: I am and always have been comfortable that way. Nor would my sexual preference be different, I would still be attracted to women. What I have never been comfortable with is what others seem to think my body should say about me. I have never fit my gender stereotypes and I have never wanted to. Part of the reason I am attracted to women is that I relate better to women than to other men, and that has always been the case.

I am not trans-phobic, but I am somewhat trans-ignorant, and I am very ignorance-phobic. So, I want to learn, and I want to give my support. To answer your specific questions, here:

  • Yes, I am aware of the fact that existing trans members of the military will be affected, and it sickens me. Sexual orientation and gender identity should have no place in deciding whether a person is fit for any kind of employment or public service. A person should only ever be judged on attitude, performance and capability.
  • I haven’t posted on the subject, but if I did, I would try to be respectful of the people for whom I am speaking out. If I failed, it would be because of my ignorance, nothing else.
  • I try to use people’s pronouns and names when I know them. Sometimes, if the person is someone I have known for a long time by a different set of pronouns and name, it takes me a while to absorb their newly public persona to the point where it becomes automatic, but I make the effort. ‘They’ is a hard one for me because linguistically it sticks in my throat to use a plural pronoun in a singular context, but I am learning to do it, and will keep trying.
  • I believe that trans women are women and trans men are men, and everyone in between is legitimately in-between and has a right to own whatever it is they know they are. That said, I am a product of my age (born in the early 60s), so understanding is relatively new to me. I believe these things in my soul, but I only understand them in my mind.
  • I am tangentially aware of the murders of trans women of color, but I have not reacted to the news one way or another publicly, at least until now: no human attribute justifies or even mitigates murder. Ever. There are no exceptions to this, and even the suggestion that this is negotiable is unacceptable.
  • I hope I use my CIS privilege to help the trans community where I have the opportunity. Part of my CIS “privilege”, sadly, is not to have a lot of knowing contact with the trans community. I do not have any close openly trans friends (mostly children of friends) from whom to learn, or to whom I can offer my direct support. I hope, as the trans community opens up more, that I will have those friends and I can learn from them and more actively support them.

Self-reflection is a life’s work. It is never done. I will join you, joyfully. I think you are the first person on Medium I am actually going to commit to following, because I hope to be able to learn from you.

Thank you for your post.

    Eric Lund

    Written by

    Eric Lund

    Jewish software developer with decades of experience, an English degree, an open mind, and an interest in almost everything — let’s talk!