My First Last Day at Work
I was extremely anxious. I had recently interviewed for a job at a local bakery and got the position. However, I did not feel excited or happy when I received the phone call. Instead, I sat on my porch and cried. Why wasn’t I glad?
I contemplated my future, my past, and my present. I had made so many mistakes that had led me to give up many things I loved. I was in a new country with new possibilities, but I felt hopeless. I had begun to believe there was nothing good here for me. Life was hard. I was unprepared and mental health issues began resurfacing. I felt like a used car that didn’t receive regular oil changes. My mind was a fuse. It had blown.
I knew what I wanted. I didn’t know how to get there. I felt sad about giving up. I didn’t want to let this new adventure, as difficult as it was, beat me. I decided to fight my battles with determination. I would try to stick it out for this new job.
I showed up for my first day of work at 3:45 AM. I had read about the company the night before, which added to my stress. Newspaper articles detailed events regarding the CEO of the bakery, who had been charged with mistreatment of employees and unsafe working conditions. I was apprehensive, on guard, and contemplated turning completely around and going home. In the dark, quiet, early-morning hours, I made my decision.
Carefully, I approached the front door. The light was on inside. I was relieved. At least someone was there. Now, hopefully, they weren’t going to attack me, kidnap me, and try to extort my parents for ransom.
I pulled open the door and heard a voice call out. “Come in!” It was the owner. He didn’t speak English well and he wore a mask. He didn’t talk to me but just told me to wait for the manager to arrive. The manager, Joe, would train me.
Shortly after a few minutes, Joe arrived, flustered and red-faced. He threw me an apron, and shirt, then proceeded to show me how to use the mixer. The baking process for the dough took only fifteen minutes. There were no safety precautions, and Joe “accidentally” whacked a spatula in the mixer whilst it revolved fiercely.
I learned the drive-thru, the coffee machine, and the display case. It was all familiar as I had worked in similar places my whole life. I had fun. I greeted customers who seemed to be nice, wonderful people. I felt relaxed and at ease.
Throughout the morning of my first shift, I rehearsed my exit lines.
“It’s not working out for me. I’m moving back home. Thank you for the opportunity.”
I had decided to quit five minutes before coming in for the workday. When I made that decision, all my anxieties took wings. I felt like I was on a cloud. I had no worries or concerns, and if I made a mistake, I didn’t care. Nothing mattered. I had nothing to lose.
When I came home after quitting my job on the first day, I carefully prepared dinner. My mind was flooded with thoughts, dreams, and ideas. I understood that if my impulsive behaviors had not won out, I would never be in the position I was in. Unfortunately, in this case, my impulse had led me down the wrong road.
I wish I could say I found the cure for first-day jitters. Unfortunately, the cure involves having no job whatsoever! That isn’t sustainable. As I packed my bags, I made a list of things to do when I returned to my home country. At the top of the list: Fix my mind.
It had been a wild ride. I had felt many emotions, good and bad. Mental illness is real. Why don’t we treat it when it arises? So often, we hope we are just having a bad day, and we don’t do anything to improve our mental wellness.
After the mistake I made, I continue to strive for better health, happiness, and quality of life.
I understand that life is short and it’s important to be thankful. Every breath is a gift and every moment is to be treasured.
Images from Pixabay
https://pixabay.com/photos/cupcakes-chocolate-muffin-food-5116009/
https://pixabay.com/photos/no-stop-stop-sign-clouds-traffic-3033069/
https://pixabay.com/photos/isolated-woman-young-cute-pretty-3061649/
https://pixabay.com/photos/sleeping-city-sleep-night-evening-89196/
https://pixabay.com/illustrations/background-pattern-donut-texture-1727498/
https://pixabay.com/photos/people-emotion-dramatic-female-1492052/
