The Art of Failing and Being O.K. With It
“This article changed my life!” — Pepe the Frog.
No one, and I mean absolutely nobody, breezes through life without hurdles. This is something all of us have heard before, sometimes even when it feels absolutely unnecessary and, thus, annoying. You don’t want to be told “Hey don’t be so sad, it happens to everyone” when you’ve just lost out on a great opportunity, or messed up on a situation beyond repair.
No, it does not happen to everyone- it’s me who’s jinxed.
You want to think about it less and snap out of it, but you can’t. The Failure has happened, and it is going down in history in all its colourful and extremely graphic glory.
And then begins The Analysis.
You spend time analysing where you must have gone wrong. You go through all the could-haves: what you could have done to salvage the situation, what could have happened if you had succeeded.
This is normal, and expected of anyone who has gone through The Failure. The Analysis is like chewing on food, it helps you break down a situation into more usable pieces which your brain can handle. The Failure could be perceived by your brain as something too big to really understand. So instead of allowing the situation to unravel by itself, you do yourself a favour and break it down. This,perhaps, is something most of us end up doing without even realising it.
It’s a long-drawn-out process, though.
The Hurt is real. And the longer you think about it, the more you effectively prolong this phase. You know this, so why is it so difficult to stop? You go back to The Analysis one more time.
The Analysis 2.0
Figure out why you’re thinking about The Failure so much.
- Know that you are calling this The Failure with a capital ‘f’ because that is how much the situation meant to you. This is not your average broke-my-nail or scratched-my-dad’s-car situation. This is something you have actual doubts about. This Failure was unparalleled.
- If you have more than one such situation which can fall into The Failure category, you need to come up with answers for the following questions:
2.1 Is there a pattern you can identify?
The answer to this question affects whether or not you can remedy your situation. Let’s assume that you are an aspiring singer but have messed up on several singing auditions due to one reason or the other, and now you think that you’ve failed. You went to music school, have no job and you want to earn a living as a singer. The pattern here is that you are not doing well in singing auditions.
2.2 Can you name the source of the problem?
Did you cause it? Or was it caused by external factors? (Are you not singing well enough, are you as good as you think you are, or is someone sabotaging your performance by putting vinegar in your water bottle that you drink from before performing? It could be anything. You are the only one who can find that out.)
2.3 Do you have access to that source?
If it is you, then you have some introspection to do. However, if it is someone else, you must decide if you can talk to/confront/discuss your situation with the one(s) who, you think, caused it. (Again, this comes down to how much The Failure means to you and if talking/confronting someone else is even worth it or possible in your case.)
This will give you closure or a sense of fulfillment about having done something about The Failure. One less could have off your list. - Finally, understand whether or not The Failure was an avoidable situation. This will -
3.1 Give you an idea about the statistical possibility of The Failure happening to someone else in your situation. (Maybe some sick people really do spike water bottles with vinegar. Could happen to anyone.)
3.2 If it was avoidable indeed, then you need to make a choice about whether you want to make another attempt at it…or let go of it once and for all.
Get your blaming fingers out.
That’s right: I really am asking you to blame someone or something, and that includes yourself. If you have answered the questions above, chances are you know the cause, source and ultimate reason for The Failure. If you blame yourself, then own up to it. No could-haves or buts allowed.
BUT…
…try to at least make an attempt at letting go of it at the same time. If it was you, execute The Analysis 3.0 which is about solving your situation, or starting afresh or pressing the ‘Abort Mission’ button. If you’re at this stage, chances are you’ve thought about this quite a bit by now.
If it was someone else (like that evil saboteur who spiked your water), and you’ve tried the confrontation/talk-it-out methods, there is not much you can do. Yes, revenge exists but it takes time and energy — a LOT of it. All it does is breed more ill will.
What you can do, however, is cut off all ties with the said person(s) or avoid further contact, at least. A lot of problems in our lives are sometimes caused by those we can not get rid of easily. We all want some person to eat shit and die but that’s not a very nice thing to say, is it? It’s not very nice for that to really happen, either. (It really was just vinegar, after all.)
Out of sight, out of mind should be your mantra.
Moving on
Remember this golden fact- this is not the last episode on The Failure series. You have a lifetime of possible failures ahead(what a comforting thought indeed.) Things may really turn out well in the end, or they may not.
But I do believe some (not all) things really are preordained. Beating yourself up about things out of your control will never help you, because a LOT of The Failures are bound to occur anyway: statistically and even magically (vinegar, for Christ’s sake!). So instead of running away from things which you cannot escape, you must develop a coping mechanism to deal with The Failure every time it chooses to strike.
We’re constantly told, taught, prodded, poked and nudged towards success but never told how to take failure nicely until we finally find ourselves in the muck. The goal is not to be happy about The Failure, it is about learning how to live with it and eventually move on.
Learn to be O.K. with failing.
Thank you for reading! Here, have yourself a free internet-potato and +1 on good karma.
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Happy reading to all! — Vithika :)
