Crafting The Morning’s Excuse Note

28, January 2017

Dear Ms. Flewellyn,

I realize that it is Saturday but, I could not contain my concern about Jedidiah until Monday when third grade is back in session.

I was searching around his computer this morning and (he’s not awake yet as we will not be returning to gymnastics in the near — )

I was searching around his computer this morning and (you know how he’s come to appreciate Hugo (Victor) and his novel and the notoriety it’s brought Jed vis á vis the book deal — )

I was searching and found a disquieting image that he’s downloaded. (If you recall, it was at your suggestion (and the lack of gummy bears at the Goodie Shoppe that started this Hugo ((Victor) deep drama — )

Anyway, I’ve found a disquieting image that he’s downloaded. The screen is captured below so that you might see it for yourself.

The full text of this partial search for “does quasi” returns these offered results —

— does quasimodo die?
 — does quasimodo mean half formed?
 — does quasimodo get the girl?
 — does quasimodo find love?

Even apart from Google’s insistence on using the lower case and not putting ? at the end of the each of these questions, I am mortified that Jed, at his young age would have to somehow internalize these offerings.

The answers being: no; no; no and no.

Ot perhaps: no, but eventually yes, everyone does; no; no and no don’t be ridiculous. Get the girl? Find love? Do these people know nothing of 19th century French Romantic / Gothic novels? Or at least this one?

You can tell from page 1 of the book that he’s not going to get the girl nor find love. As to whether he’s half-formed, I suppose the question to that would be, “To whose measure?”

And what happens if one were to click (or cluck as I am that pecking upset) on the first option. Spoiler alert!

Does this so-called google not know what they’re creating here? A generation of non-readers who attempt to embroider (!) their lack of knowledge with a few auto-fill options?

The education system (this would be where you come in Ms. Flewellyn) must warn the young people off this approach to education! Typing a few letters into a search engine to see what happens — my God, I can imagine that millions of young people will be on this same quest for knowledge someday and see Hugo (Victor’s) work reduced to a few arbitraries. . .

— does quasimodo die?
 — does quasimodo mean half formed?
 — does quasimodo get the girl?
 — does quasimodo find love?

Please excuse me today Ms. Flewellyn for not just merrily rolling along. This navy does not waive the rules, does not sail those waters!

Also, please know that Jed loves your classroom and the third grade in general — the sanctity of these excitable years must not be tarnished with trips to the principal for just a little chocolate cake on your chair. It was practically nothing I’m sure. You might, for all I know have been wearing brown and the icing, If I may so, since it’s my grandmother’s recipe, was delicious. By which I mean, you should have waived the rules, for once.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Andrea M. Gerstle
(Jedidiah’s mom)


Previous excuses from the desk of Mrs. Andrea M. Gerstle begin here on Medium.