I don’t really know what to say right now, What do you say at a moment like this? 
I have been non-stop suicidal for the past 9 days. I am struggling just to get through work, I can not even sit still. It is basically all i can think about. Why does it have to be so hard to get a gun. This morning on the way work, I was in downtown waiting on the bus.It was early in the morning and there were not many people on streets yet. there was no one on the block I was on. A bus was coming, not the one I take. So i stood there in the road, right off the curb. This way the minute the bus turned the corner, I would get hit. There was one one around, braised myself for the impact and... next thing I was on my butt on the side walk. Out of nowhere this guy pulled me from the street on the sidewalk, the bus passed by, probably not evening seeing me or him. He is a older male, either asian or hispanic. I heard him say, " be careful my friend, you could die." yeah that was the point you fool! I was like what the heck, the perfect suicide foiled by this guy, what the heck! He kept going on and I realized he thought I was kind of sleep walking and went on the street without realizing it. 
Well then like clock work my bus came and I got on board panicking and upset. I thought for sure, this time would be the last attempt, I thought it would be over. Well it’s not. And before you say it, I have tried. I’ve tried counseling and all that other mental health bullshit that I got told to do. That shit made me worse, it might be why i am at this extreme now. I have been suicidal for years, many failed attempts and yes they have taken a toll on my body. And everyone said go to counseling, do this, do that, go here, take this etc. WELL I DID, I did what you said!And look where I am, worse than ever!
Now I am here, in the worst mental pain I have veer been in, and physically from a suicide attempt a couple of days ago, my breathing.. yeah it isn’t all that great, along with my chest. So I am stuck in a world i do not want to be in. Waking up is torture. I really don’t wanna jump in front of transportation, more than likely a train, and cause trauma to someone else, but it looks like its only way to complete suicide.I just want the torture to send, I just wish I could get shot dead or struck dead by lighting (unlikely in southern California.
When will it finally end...