My hysterical time — Denial, my favourite river pt1

When I was told that I needed a hysterectomy, I literally was in shock. I left the hospital and got an ice cream to help me digest the news. Instead of an ice cream, it should have been a stiff drink but I was so freaked out, my man took me for a cheap soft ice cream, as per my request. Burger King was the first place I saw opposite St Marys Hospital.

I knew I had fibroids, but didn’t know that was the reason I could not lose weight, no matter how much I went to the gym, or that my bladder had a mind of its own and don’t let me get onto the subject of my non-working my bowels.

I was totally in denial that my condition was actually very serious, that my bathroom turned into a CSI crime scene monthly. My moods were all over the place — I was actually hysterical at the airport because I didn’t have enough time to buy a book — talk about being irrational. I was nuts.

My lovely man and I actually argued about my health, we rarely disagree — he knew something was wrong and it had been wrong for a while, like years. I protested about seeing the doctor because I was working at an intense job and I had no time to complain about heavy periods. I thought I had taken care of the fibroid when I had one surgically removed five years earlier.

On that fateful day, the lovely surgeon, just said ‘darling, it needs to come out’ — no we can try to shrink the fibroids or there are alternatives. Nope, just we are putting you on the schedule for surgery. If you do not live in the UK this is a BIG thing. The NHS does not spend money willy-nilly and this is a BIG surgery. I was to be in hospital for two days and recovering for eight weeks.

This thought of having a hysterectomy totally freaked me out — I never was in a place to have a child but the thought that it was completely off the table terrified me. I am not good a commitment and having my womb removed was the ultimate, no backsies, this is it for life.

Then there was there was the in your face — hey babe you are old.

I immediately decided there had to be another option.


Originally published at Upgraded Life inc.

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