My perfectionism kills my productivity
I’ve always wanted to be above average if not the best. My mentality was and still is sometimes, that I need to work hard.I can’t complain if I am tired, can’t go to bed if I’m not done with my work. I feel guilty if I am out partying or just drinking a beer with a friend, because I am not working.
The fear of looking like an idiot
The desire to be so good at everything I do leads me to not trying in the first place. I know I will look like an idiot or a newbie and I fear that. That’s why I don’t follow all of my dreams, don’t do the things I desire to do. I only do the things I am sure I can do. I regret it now.
This fear leads me to not finishing my personal projects because I see something that I do not like in my work, spend some time trying to do it in a better way, fail and abandon the whole project forever. Do I regret abandoning so much projects? Yes, I do.
If I finish something, I’m always afraid to publish it.
“What will the people think? What if someone doesn’t like it? Someone will hate on it. Oh, I better not publish it then. I’ll wait for something perfect that no one will hate.”
I know that there are better products out there, better drawings, better pictures, better blog posts. My perfectionism tells me that I should not publish anything if it’s not better than everyone’s work. So I don’t. Even if I show it to the world, I delete it soon after, because I’m feeling ashamed. Do I regret it? You bet.
Looking back, I have a lot of things i haven’t finished or done, because I was scared of judgement. A lot of drawings, designs, apps, pictures, texts that nobody knows about. It’s still practice and I’m happy with that, but when I’m constantly with the mentality to work hard, not sleep enough, feel guilty when taking a break and in the same time I don’t have anything finished, it feels like I’m doing absolutely anything, which makes me really stressed.
Solving the problem
The new thing I want to be good is not being a perfectionist and do the things I like without being full of fear for things that don’t matter. How do I do this? I sketch a lot more in my sketchbook without caring if it looks good or not, I just do it. I make personal illustrations, designs and apps without overcomplicating my process and not think too much if they will be perfect. I try to make them good enough. I write and publish. Like this post that you’re reading. I won’t be a writer, I don’t want to, but I like writing about things that are on my head. Why shouldn’t I post them? Actually, this post was a challenge by myself. I sat, wrote the post in one session, posted it and then got up. I feel really good about it, no matter if it’s good or not.