I was an hour or so late to work that Monday morning. Having worked until 8pm the Friday previous, I took an indulgent breakfast to prepare myself for the day, or perhaps, simply for the sake of having an indulgent breakfast. As I walked through the general floor I noticed most of the office doors were closed and the usual cubicle chatter was missing. Perfect. I didn’t need to make small talk before reaching my office and closing the door. I was having an issue communicating the frustration from receiving last minute design projects with incomplete copy and at the time wasn’t skilled with saying ‘no’ to my co-workers. These two facts combined found me using the old “closed door” technique to keep them at bay. One must be dreadfully busy to have closed the door, mustn’t one?

After finishing a small design item I had left over from last Friday, I finally checked my email.

In my inbox was an impatient “When will you be in” type of note from my boss. She hadn’t learned the art of writing cohesive emails that explained her interests and intentions, this, coupled with her insistence at micromanaging aspects of the office that she did not understand, my boss became frequently overwhelmed, resulting in a consistently irritated state. Imagine a huffing, puffing, roundish pink animal sputtering sounds and waving it’s hands: to no avail. Now imagine that as an email.

If you’ve ever reported to a boss who covered up insecurity with a desire for control, you would understand that my negative impression of her was not bitterness, nor resentment: it was frustration. Frustration with the nepotism, the bureaucracy, and the idiocy that allowed a qualified and exceptional person to be replaced with this helpless sputtering woman.

She quickly became someone I felt sorry for. Well aware of the lack of qualifications that got her the job, she overcompensated and desperately wanted to please her own boss: a well spoken man, sometimes charming, frequently charismatic, who had about as much empathy and caring as a thimble. If you’ve ever been in love with a thimble, you’ll understand how difficult the situation for her truly was. That said, loving a thimble was likely what got her this job in the first place, so it wasn’t all a waste.

I responded with a note that claimed I was in the office already while implying that I had been in all the while, and moved to open my door for her expected intrusion.

Moments later, a panicked boss appeared in my office and closed the door behind her.

“Have you heard?” She asked, wide eyed and pink — her normal look brought on by the stress involved by incessantly interfering with matters that she did not have any relationship to. “Have you spoken with anyone?”

“No” I replied

“Have you spoken with the assistant?”

“No.” I repeated.

“I asked him not to come in today, well, not until noon. I meant to tell you.” Yet you told the office assistant. “There was a meeting, and everyone on the floor is fired —well, not the higher level staff — but we want you to stay — don’t worry!”

She seemed worried though.

“We are in the middle of a budget crisis right now. We had a meeting last Tuesday, and we are required to lay off all staff of a certain pay and class grade.”

I said nothing. (If this job taught me anything, it’s that if you’d like your meetings to be shorter, don’t speak.)

“We have to fire you on this payroll, but we can offer you a choice of two different re-hiring options based on our new budget!” You could hear the exclamation point in her voice as she pitched up into a squeal.

“You can do the same work, and we’ll pay you 15 hours per week at the same hourly rate we paid you before but without the full-time benefits, or 20 hours per week at a lower rate still without the benefits!”

I now had the opportunity to work less hours for less money — yet complete the same amount of work — or I could work more hours for even less money.

“We really want you to stay.”

She did not understand my expression, and I can only imagine it was one of bewilderment.

“You can think it over, we’ll give you time. I wouldn’t open your door, though, people are crying in-and-out of rooms. I’d wait until noon to open it. Everyone we’ve fired should be gone by then.” Thanks for calling us into work on Monday morning.

“Just think it over. We really want you to stay.”

She received a 10k salary raise alongside a new title and additional responsibilities.

I, on the other hand, chose to decline their offer.