Vũ Nghi
Vũ Nghi
Aug 22, 2017 · 3 min read

Life sucks after a breakup…

I am in a bubble mess.

Me — finding way to shut my brain off

A tangle of old and new and foggy and ridiculus feelings. A mass of them twisted together in the most untidy way.

I’ve been suffer heavily from my latest tragic breakup.

I have no idea how you guys define “breakup”, but my ex- boyfriend used term” mentally and emotional release” instead. Yea, that’s right. That’s exactly how my love song used to be sung…

Anyway, there is no relief at the end of my love story. This issue should be viewed and analyzed form multiple perspectives. On the one hand, being single again, you have every rights to do whatever you want, whenever you like and especially, with whoever you interest in. But of course, i was not a prisoner in love. On the other hand, i fell very hard. This is how tragedy begins.

The first emotion i got was the feeling of lost. Worse, I was able to touch a giant hole in my soul, literally. It’s always there. Sometimes when i fall asleep at night or even take a nap at noon, i suddenly fall into a endless well very hard and fast. I wake up and realize i’m still in my bed. You know, the feeling of insecurity and unsureness. The most terrifying feeling.


One month after a breakup, i haven’t cried yet. I haven’t dropped any cup when drinking coffee yet…

But,

It doesn’t mean that i don’t feel sad, depressed or stressed and this love affair means nothing to me.

His leaving had a profound impact upon me physically and mentally.

My feeling, easy to understand, is mixed by a trillion feelings that a human being is able to suffer.

Last friday, i went to a park where we said goodbye exactly one month ago. I sat exactly in my place in that park bench one month ago, under that street light. Unlike one month ago, It was blur and unclear. I sat there about 15 mins and it started to rain. How funny! I don’t know what the hell i expected? He would show up and sit next to me?

The table finally turns. Or at least i think so. I don’t know what he’s thinking and feeling. I don’t give a shit. I am the one who went away but also the one who suffer hard from this decision.

Don’t get confused. I am not regret with this stuffs. I made my mind up carefully and slowly. I don’t want to heal this relationship. I feel OK at this moment. I just can not find inner balance.

Objectively, i have more positive energy to do a lot of things.

In the very latest effort to get through of this, I made my own love checking list. I finished almost everything we haven’t finished yet. I watched movies which are recommended by him, which make me feel bored and disgusted. I fried and ate the very last Cha Gio he wrapped and rolled several months ago. I ate the very last candy gum in the candy bar he bought for me. I deleted all our private messages via Zalo, Instagram. I removed his number and finger print in my Iphone so that he would not be able to unlock it. Hahaa. But after all, i still haven’t satisfied yet. Urghhhh, I don’t know why. What did i do wrong?

Lately, there’s a interesting idea popped up in my mind. I will go to Da lat. We talked about DL and promised to go there together. This time, i will have a trip all by myself.

I try to picture me put a ring somewhere in Đà Lạt on a windy day. That, finally, will be the end of this story

I have a belief that get out of this crowded city, Da Lat will answer my questions, heal pains and fill gaps. These thoughts smoulder in my mind and i can’t help myself thinking about it.

I will find out.

Soon.

( To be continued.)

)