Inspiration from Where?

I remember before entering deep down in my relationship I used to write songs for my partner, and sometimes I blame myself. I ask “where is all that inspiration that you had when it all began?” and I decided to tackle this issue with more logics and less emotion, because the more emotional I got, the more I blamed myself.

Specially after I started composing songs to enhance her Tabletop RPG experiences. I can make songs to fulfill their working needs (because from the point where I see, DMing is more like a job although people say they are players) but that means that I fail on making a song to get into their emotional needs, because who does not like to be praised, specially with songs specially for them?

Ok, but then lets look on the analytical part then? Am I such a jerk that after I engaged with her then there is no need to make songs anymore? I cannot say my inspiration withered away because I am composing songs but for another purpose. I tried working on new compositions but, they just do not come.

To make matters worse, I can soundly hear my brain asking “why?”, and maybe it is a valid question. Why composing them another song? Compose a song to say that they are needing love? Calling them a needy person in a song does not seem to be the right movement. Compose a song to say I love you? But I do that everyday, with actions and words, they do not seem to need a song only for that. Praising them? It is just like saying that I love them, I kinda do that on a daily basis.

And for the songs I compose to their work, they have purpose, they have a reason to be, they have a place to live. Even though I like to listen to them from time to time, they seem to evoke emotions from which I feel in need. I do not feel the need to give more love than I already give to my partner. So the songs that I compose to her, do not feel like something I would listen.

I saw a video recently talking about how we find a way to our objectives when we have a reason for them. That is not a must but it can be really helpful. I would not say sufficient because there are the material means and this and that, but, anyway. The problem here’s is that everything points to the jerkiness. I cannot compose to them because there is no reason for that anymore.

And you know what? Maybe it is right! There is no reason for that anymore! But here is the twist: Not because love is dead, but because love express itself so much that there is just no more reason for other expressions. It is in the breakfast, it is in the chores, it is in the purposes and the whole life we built together. I do not have to talk about it because I feel it all the time. I express it all the time. I do not need to do art for that.

So, maybe your lack of inspiration is because you already express what you have to, and that is ok too.