This is the first time I read you… And I just feel that you have described perfectly the story of my life as a mom. I’m exactly your age, also became a mom 4 years ago, had a little boy with reflux and allergy to cow milk’s protein, and struggled with breastfeeding for exactly 12 weeks. The most difficult 12 weeks of my life… I also ended up pumping and using formula, and after overcoming shame and guilt for «not being able to do something as basic as feeding my own baby», and after overcoming external judgement (it is sooooo easy to judge other without knowing their own struggles!) I finally started enjoying motherhood… Big hugs for you from a Mexican mom!!