I like scoring points. Be it in a game, or in an examination, or even when I’m searching for people to connect. I just want more numbers for some reason, and that, apparently, has been a deterrent to my progress for a long time.
As a kid, I liked to study so that I could score more marks. I wanted to be the best because that meant scoring more marks than anyone else in my class. And that felt amazing. And yet, throughout my entire school (and college) life, I could never top in my class. What went wrong?
The fact that I studied not for learning something but rather for proving myself better than everyone else was the reason why I could never understand a word of what the books said in those initial years, when I could have read and gained so much. That is something I realized in the later years of education, but alas, it was too late.
But still, I have managed to catch up to some extent. And then shit happens, again. I see people sitting for entrance tests where people get seats in the best colleges and universities purely on the basis of their scores in an examination they’ve been working hard for for more than two years. Holy fuck.
And this kind of an attitude even translates to professional level jobs. You have to appear for a written test and if you score well, you shall proceed to the next stage of hiring. Your experience does not matter at all, nor does your exposure to certain situations which have enhanced your skills in a certain way.
I just don’t see myself liking tests, or scoring points for that matter anymore ’cause there’s this one thing I have realized and incorporated into my lifestyle: You only need to be better than yourself. You don’t have to take shit from anybody for being incapable in terms of scores, nor do you need to work hard for scoring more. What you really need to work hard for is growth. And that comes from results. Not of the kind where you’re graded, but of the kind that make you feel more positive about yourself.