How to Control Your Own Feelings and Influence Others’: A Guide to Emotional Management
Unlock the Secrets through the TAB Unified Theory of Emotions
Given below is a single definition of any, all or no emotions. The definition uses some defined terms. The definitions and the method to measure the intensity of emotions is explained thereafter.
The TAB (Trouble and Blame) Unified Theory of Emotions (TAB-UNITE) is Applicable to all humans to decode their emotions towards any human including self, groups, animal, object, spirit, or cause. It works at all times in all situations, and it is quantifiable
Single Definition of ALL emotions
If Subject 1 takes Trouble for Subject 2 and does not Blame Subject 2, or is Thankful to Subject 2 for the Trouble, Subject 1 feels positive emotions or love towards Subject 2. If Subject 1 takes Trouble and Blames Subject 2, Subject 1 feels negative emotions or hate towards Subject 2.
The intensity of positive or negative emotions felt by Subject 1 towards Subject 2 depends on the amount of Trouble taken, the amount of Blame or Thankfulness in the mind of Subject 1 for such Trouble, and the Potential Physical Proximity (PPP) between Subject 1 and Subject 2.
Note: ‘Subject 1’, ‘Subject 2’, ‘Trouble’, ‘Blame’, ‘Thankfulness’ and ‘Potential Physical Proximity’ have the meaning as defined in the TAB Unified Theory of Emotions.
As one will see later, one can apply the knowledge gained through TAB-UNITE in virtually any interaction with other people. Interestingly, including in a business or professional development, negotiations, product design, business, or political leadership, landing a job, and many other interactions. The only exception is when such interaction is for providing a product or service, which is to be paid for fairly.
TAB Unified Theory of Emotions (TAB-UNITE)
To understand Emotions between any two Subjects:
TAB-UNITE entails the following steps, to know what emotion is felt by Subject 1 towards Subject 2. Once Emotions are understood, one can change some of the values of the parameters involved and change the way one feels towards the other person or thing. Once one understands how emotions get generated, one will be able to know what emotions someone else feels towards one. Once that is understood, one can try to impact favorably, the other person’s feelings towards one.
1. Understand the parameters of the theory. One must understand the parameters of the theory in terms of the definition given and the clarifications provided. The parameters of the theory are not to be interpreted through their standard dictionary meanings or own views of the reader. The parameters are:
a. Subject 1
b. Subject 2
c. Trouble (as defined)
d. Blame/Thankfulness (as defined)
e. Potential Physical Proximity (as defined)
2. Understand the rating scale and rating benchmarks before selecting score for Trouble, Blame/Thankfulness, and PPP.
3. Assign scores for each of the parameters. It is better to write the scores on a paper against each parameter. As the reader would see later, many conclusions about the relationship can be drawn just by looking at the scores against individual parameters.
4. Understand the formula for obtaining the overall TAB score. I am calling the numerical evaluation score of each of the parameters of TAB-UNITE as TAB Score. The Value derived after using a mathematical function on the individual TAB scores of all parameters is also called TAB score. The formula is straightforward. Just multiply all three values with each other. In other words, we multiply the scores assigned to Trouble, Blame/Thankfulness, and PPP to obtain the final TAB score.
5. Interpret the TAB score: Understand what kind of conclusions you can draw with the overall TAB score and score for individual parameters of the TAB-UNITE. The final TAB score will reveal what kind of emotions will the Subjects feel. As one would see later, a lot more can be done with the individual parameter and total TAB score obtained after multiplying all individual scores.
6. Make Improvements: Having found out Subject 1’s emotions towards Subject 2 and vice versa, one can do something about the individual parameters of the TAB score. Doing so would change one’s total TAB score towards the other Subject. One can also do a lot to change the individual parameter score of Subject 2 towards oneself. That will change Subject 2’s total TAB score, and the emotions felt towards one.
TAB Unified Theory of Emotions:
Step 1: Understand the definitions of the terms used.
Definition: ‘Subject 1’, ‘Subject 2’, ‘Subject/s.’
TAB-UNITE applies to emotions generated between Any two ‘Subjects.’ A Subject is a person whose emotions are being evaluated under TAB-UNITE. The subject can also be a non-person towards whom emotions of the other subject are evaluated,
Subject 1 is a person or group of such persons, whose emotions are being evaluated towards Subject 2. Subject 1 is capable of feeling or not feeling any emotion towards Subject 2 consciously.
Subject 2 is a person, non-person, or a group of such persons or non-persons towards whom Subject 1 is evaluating his emotions.
All Subject 1s can become Subject 2, but all Subject 2s cannot become Subject 1. Examples of Subject 2s that cannot become Subject 1 are below.
· Persons of undeveloped or unsound mind.
· animals who can’t express their feelings.,
· Objects.
· Places.
· Spirits. For example, God, peace.
· Causes. For example, ‘save the world,’ ‘Black Lives Matter.’
· The TAB-UNITE does not apply to an interaction or relationship between Subject 1 and Subject 2 is, when a fair consideration is exchanged or is expected to be exchanged. If more or less than ‘fair’ consideration is exchanged, the TAB-UNITE applies to the short or excess consideration.
Definition: Trouble
‘Trouble’ is defined as the physical or mental work or effort by Subject 1, for, or on behalf of, or because of, Subject 2. Trouble can also be a mental commitment made by Subject 1 to undertake physical or mental work/effort for/on behalf of/because of Subject 2 in the future.
To elaborate, Trouble includes:
1. Trouble, taken voluntarily by Subject 1 for/or on behalf of Subject 2.
2. Trouble, that Subject 1 must take because it is given by Subject 2 or by a third person, (because of Subject 2), or,
3. Trouble that is given to Subject 1 by the circumstances (because of Subject 2).
4. Trouble includes not using the time or money by Subject 1 on alternatives that are available or could be available to Subject 1.
5. Trouble or the physical or mental work/effort by Subject 1 or his mental commitment to future physical or mental work/effort, NEED NOT BE FOR THE BENEFIT OF SUBJECT 2. Trouble can be against the interest of Subject 2, and it will still be called ‘Trouble’ as per the definition of Trouble. Examples of different kinds of Trouble are below:
Examples of Trouble:
1. Trouble Taken voluntarily by Subject 1:
· Subject 1 decides to get a flower bouquet for Subject 2.
· Subject 1 is the mother who feeds and changes nappies and does other things for her child, who is Subject 2.
· Subject 1 meets Subject 2 and so stricken by her beauty and grace that he wants to marry her. Although Subject 1 has not taken actual physical Trouble, he is taking Trouble through his mental commitment to take Trouble in the future. Therefore, it is also defined as Trouble taken right now.
· Another example of mental commitment amounting to Trouble, under the TAB-UNITE, is — both subjects are school friends. However, they live in different cities or countries now. It has been a long time they saw each other. There is no hope of them meeting again. But, if Subject 1 got to know that Subject 2 had fallen very ill and needed help, he would make all efforts to help his friend. In this example, there is no physical effort made by Subject 1 yet. However, just on the strength of the commitment of future physical work/efforts, Subject 1 would be deemed to be taking ‘Trouble’ right now, under the definition of the term.
2. Trouble Taken on behalf of Subject 2 –
· Subject 1 pays off Subject 2’s debts.
· Subject 1 brings dinner for Subject 2.
3. Trouble given by Subject 2 –
· Subject 2, an infant cry during the night, making its mother feed him.
· Subject 2 asks Subject 1 for a loan.
4. Trouble given by the third person to Subject 1 because of Subject 2 –
· A third person was abusing Subject 2. When Subject 1 tried to intervene to save Subject 2, he got beaten up by the third person.
· A new girl is avoiding Subject 1 because Subject 2, is also a girl and Subject 1’s friend whom the new girl does not like.
5. Trouble given by Circumstances –
· Subject 1 and Subject 2 are out watching a movie. Subject 2 suddenly falls and breaks his leg. Subject 1 must now take him to the hospital. Someone is drowning in a pool. Subject 1 jumps in to save Subject 2 from drowning.
6. Trouble need not be for the benefit of Subject 2 –
· Subject 1 slaps Subject 2 in front of everyone. The purpose or motivation of Trouble does not matter for the definition of Trouble under TAB-UNITE. These examples of slapping Subject 2 or making a mental commitment to do things against the interest of Subject 2, also qualify to be called ‘Trouble.’ Remember this.
7. Trouble includes giving money or resources that are earned through physical effort –
· Giving money or other things to a Subject 2 amounts to taking Trouble by Subject 1 for Subject 2. The amount of Trouble is the equivalent of efforts that Subject 1 will be required to earn the same amount again.
8. Trouble does not include any future claim made by Subject 1, which Subject 1 does not intend to fulfil.
Please read the definition and examples of Trouble again if needed. It is important.
Definition: Blame (Includes Negative Blame = ‘Thankfulness’)
‘Blame’ is defined as a considered belief of Subject 1, not just rhetoric blaming, that the ‘Trouble’ of Subject 1 is deliberate or avoidable. That Trouble is being given / will be given by Subject 2 or Trouble will come upon Subject 1 through a third subject or the circumstances but only because of Subject 2.
Blame, used in relation to the theory, includes negative Blame, which is equivalent to Thankfulness.
Thankfulness is when Subject 1, instead of blaming Subject 2, for the Trouble, is Thankful to Subject 2, for giving the Trouble to Subject 1, or for letting Subject 1 take Trouble for Subject 2.
Additional Clarifications:
· Definition of Blame — “To say or think that someone or something did something wrong or is responsible for something bad happening.” (Cambridge dictionary). The definition of Blame under TAB-UNITE is the same as the dictionary meaning, except that ‘something bad happening’ is the Trouble taken by Subject 1. It could be Trouble that Subject 1 fears will have to be taken by Subject 1 because of Subject 2.
· Another noteworthy point is that Subject 1 has these states of thought towards Subject 2 because of whom he must take Trouble.
(i) Blame — When Subject 1 thinks Subject 2 is responsible for his Troubles, he is blaming Subject 2.
Examples of Blame for the Trouble taken for Subject 2:
· Blaming a spouse for not earning enough to support the current lifestyle.
· Blaming a friend who requests bringing a packet from his aunt in flight from a foreign country, shouting at someone indulging in public nuisance and
· Talking behind someone’s back to harm him.
(ii) No Blame — When Subject 1 does not think or does not care that Subject 2 is responsible for his Troubles, he is not blaming Subject 2.
Examples of No Blame will include — Taking ‘reasonable’ Trouble for someone, passing on the salt, when another diner requests, following traffic rules. Here Subject 1 neither Blames nor is Thankful to Subject 2 for the Troubles.
(iii) Thankfulness — It is defined below.
Definition of Thankfulness
‘Thankfulness’ When, instead of Blaming Subject 2 for the Trouble, Subject 1 is Thankful to Subject 2 for the opportunity to take the Trouble for Subject 2, it is called ‘Thankfulness.’
Subject 1 can experience Thankfulness towards Subject 2 for the Troubles, due to:
· the nature of the Trouble, or,
· the nature of the Subject 2 or,
· the nature of his relationship with Subject 2.
An Example of Thankfulness for Trouble:– A mother is almost always Thankful to her child for all the Trouble it gave before birth and after that. The amount of Trouble is almost the maximum possible. However, the amount of Thankfulness to the child for the Troubles is also almost the maximum. A devotee is Thankful to his God for the Troubles he is taking for his God. Those Troubles may include doing daily prayers, going to shrines, and doing other things specified in his religion.
It is important to note that often, Subject 1 would not even be ready to call all that he does for/because of Subject 2 as ‘Trouble.’ At times, Subject 1 may get offended to hear that he is taking ‘Trouble’ for someone he holds so dear in his heart. Subject 1 would instead call what he does as ‘duty,’ ‘care,’ ‘natural,’ ‘humble contribution’ & the like. Trouble is just the name I have given to represent what I want to convey through a specific definition of the term. The term does not represent its dictionary meaning.
Definition: Potential Physical Proximity (PPP)
I am going to now present a simple concept that determines how intense the feeling of all emotions — love, hate, etc., between Subject 1 and Subject 2 could be.
I call it the ‘Potential Physical Proximity’ (PPP) criterion. PPP does not change the outcome of the two main conditions, which are responsible for all emotions between any two subjects. They are ‘Trouble’ and ‘Blame/Thankfulness’ defined under the TAB-UNITE. However, PPP does accentuate all emotions. PPP is defined as follows:
‘PPP’ : PPP is the physical closeness, physical distance, or physical overlapping — achieved or possible, between Subject 1 and Subject 2.
There are various states of possible Physical Proximity between any two Subjects.
Some subjects are physically very far apart, and there is no possibility of their coming close ever. Examples of this would be a ‘Train that passes on tracks every few hours, and you enjoy watching it from your balcony. Another example is the moon. You like it when you see it changing shape every day. It would never come near you, and you have no chance of going near it.
Next could be those Subjects which have the potential to be near each other but never touching physically. Examples of these subjects could be your office colleagues who work in another department. However, you do see them often from a distance. They could be other residents of your housing society that you do not personally know. You do not talk to them or greet them but cannot avoid seeing them from time to time.
Next would be those friends and colleagues not very close to you. You may shake hands with them from time to time, but you do not hug.
The next higher PPP is between those Subjects where there could be more touching. These Subjects could be your school/college friends, close relatives, and siblings. You can and do hug them from time to time.
Even a higher PPP score is achieved for those Subjects, where physical touch is more intimate or more often. They could be a couple in a live-in relationship that has not yet decided to get married. They could also be Subjects in a love-at-first-sight situation, where Subject 1 gets into an instant mental commitment for a love relationship or marriage. In such relations, PPP allows for overlapping physical bodies for some time.
Next higher PPP score is achieved in married couples or those couples that have a mutual commitment to stay together, although they are not married. This PPP score is also achieved between a rapist and a victim. It could also be achieved between a captor/criminal and hostage/victim. All it requires is that the aggressor inflicts or threatens to inflict bodily harm on the victim’s body. In such relations, PPP also allows for overlapping physical bodies for some time. This overlapping can be in the form of intercourse with mutual consent or rape or cutting up the victim’s body or threatening object insertion. It would be clear that just like the definition of Trouble, Potential Physical Proximity, too, does not have to be in a pleasant way.
The highest PPP score is reserved for one human relationship only. Although it can be experienced in some non-human relations too, that special relationship is mother-child. It is because the entire physical body of the child had been entirely inside the mother. This highest PPP score can also be achieved in the following Subject 1 and Subject 2 relations:
Yet another way where PPP score can be impacted involves relationships with non-physical beings, for example, God or a cause. Here, it is up to Subject 1 to feel the physical closeness or overlap between his body and the body of the Subject 2. For example, a profoundly religious person can honestly believe and feel that God is inside of him or that God is everywhere, so he is inside of God. This result is a complete overlap of the physical bodies of both Subjects, and a perfect PPP score is achieved.
Important points to note:
· PPP, in most relationships, is given by the nature of the relationship. There are limits beyond which a relationship cannot achieve a higher PPP score. However, in most cases, it can be increased or decreased to some extent by the Subjects involved.
For example, PPP score in a friendship that just involves shaking hands can be increased is the friends start hugging each other when they meet or depart. Other ways of impacting PPP in most cases, is reaching nearer each other by the Subjects through audio, video, or other sensory transmissions. PPP score in two distant friends can be increased if they talk on the phone or make a video call. PPP score between the public and a political leader can be increased by being in the newspaper or television often. However, I would explain later that increasing the PPP score can be counterproductive. PPP just accentuates whatever are the feelings/emotions being felt by Subject 1 towards Subject 2.
· Just as ‘Trouble’ does not depend upon the kind of Trouble. It may be good or bad for Subject 2. Similarly, the ‘Potential Physical Proximity’ concept, too, does not distinguish between the purpose of physical closeness or distance. There is no difference between ‘good’ or ‘bad’ physical contact. For example, the PPP is the same towards their Subjects for a person addicted to ice-cream, and the one addicted to drugs. Similarly, PPP is the same in all the following cases:
· 1. Between dating couple,
· 2. Between the married couple,
· 3. Rapist and victim,
· 4. A criminal who has threatened to shoot or stab the victim and the victim.
In all the above cases, the potential physical proximity is represented with the piercing body graphic, shown later.
Step 2: TAB-UNITE of Emotions
Having defined all the terms needed for TAB-UNITE, we can now go on to understand the TAB-UNITE. To recapitulate, we need to keep the definitions of Subject 1, Subject 2, Trouble, Blame, Thankfulness, and PPP in mind. Blame includes negative Blame, which is equivalent to Thankfulness. Therefore, when we refer to Blame, we need to consider if there is, Thankfulness present, instead of Blame.
TAB-UNITE just needs two conditions to judge if positive emotions or negative emotions exist in Subject 1’s mind for Subject 2. Positive emotions can be liking, love, care, while negative emotions can be disliking, disgust, envy, hate. The two conditions needed to determine the kind of emotions present are Trouble and Blame (including negative Blame =Thankfulness). The third condition PPP makes whatever emotion is present more or less intense, depending upon the PPP score.
TAB-UNITE of emotions: Definition of positive emotions / Love
If Subject 1 takes Trouble for Subject 2 and does not Blame Subject 2, or is Thankful to Subject 2 for the Trouble, Subject 1 likes/loves Subject 2.
The extent and intensity of the liking/love felt by Subject 1 depend on the amount of Trouble taken, the amount of Blame or Thankfulness for such Trouble, and their Potential Physical Proximity (PPP).
To state it simply assume that the answers to the following questions, and the answers of Subject 1, are as follows:
1. Do you take Trouble for Subject 2? Answer — Yes
2. Do you Blame Subject 2 for the Troubles? Answer — No
In the above case, Subject 1 has positive feelings towards or love towards Subject 2.
TAB-UNITE of emotions: Definition of negative emotions / Hate
If Subject 1 takes Trouble for Subject 2 but Blames Subject 2 for such Trouble, Subject 1 dislikes/hates Subject 2.
The extent and intensity of the dislike/hate felt by Subject 1 depend on the amount of Trouble taken, the amount of Blame for such Trouble, and their Potential Physical Proximity (PPP).
To state it simply assume that the answers to the following questions, and the answers of Subject 1, are as follows:
1. Do you take Trouble for Subject 2? Answer — Yes
2. Do you Blame Subject 2 for the Troubles? Answer — Yes
In the above case, Subject 1 has negative feelings or hate towards Subject 2.
TAB-UNITE: Definition of ‘No Emotions’ or Apathy
If ’Subject 1’ does not take any ‘Trouble’ for ‘Subject 2’, then Subject 1 is agnostic towards Subject 2. That means, Subject 1 experiences no positive or negative emotions towards Subject 2.
In such a case, Subject 1 will neither Blame nor be Thankful to Subject 2 since Subject 1 is not taking any Trouble. Remember that the definition of Trouble includes a commitment to take Trouble in future.
‘Potential Physical Proximity’ of the Subjects is immaterial in such a case.
To state it simply assume that the answer to the following questions, and the answers of Subject 1, are as follows:
1. Do you take Trouble for Subject 2? Answer — No
2. Do you Blame Subject 2 for the Troubles? Answer — I do not take Trouble for the Subject
In the above case, Subject 1 has no negative or positive feelings toward Subject 2. Other questions regarding Blame, Thankfulness, and PPP do not matter.
We will prove the above definitions logically, experientially, and numerically through a unique method proposed in this article. We will also be testing it in a variety of situations and people.
Step 3: TAB-UNITE of Emotions
Understand the rating scale and rating benchmarks
Extent and Intensity of TAB-UNITE Variables
In the above definitions of Positive, Negative, or No emotions experienced by Subject 1 for Subject 2, the terms ‘amount of Trouble/Blame/Thankfulness/Potential Physical Proximity’ are mentioned. Earlier, I also showed different levels of PPP through a graphical representation of the physical bodies of Subject 1 and Subject 2.
Under TAB-UNITE of emotions, you can determine the relative amount of Trouble, Blame, Thankfulness, and Potential Physical Proximity as a numerical value. Let us understand how.
Trouble: Trouble is measured on a scale from 0 to 10. 0 signifies, no Trouble and 10 means, maximum possible Trouble.
Benchmark for Measuring Trouble:
When no Trouble is taken (that includes no commitment to take Trouble in the future as well), the Trouble score is easy to assign. It is the minimum possible. That is zero.
However, when the Trouble is not zero, the question arises, ‘how can we assign Trouble score when evaluating the emotional state of Subject 1 towards Subject 2?’. Thankfully, there is a Benchmark for this. Using the benchmark, we may find it much easier to assign the Trouble score.
The benchmark for maximum Trouble score of +10 under this theory, is the amount of Trouble a mother takes from the time of being pregnant, until the time the baby is delivered and becomes self-reliant. Everyone knows how much an effort it is to carry the child for nine months in the mother’s womb. During this period, she has constant discomfort in walking, sleeping. Giving birth gives her immense pain and even endangers her life. After the birth, she must continuously feed and tend to the baby, and so on. Her Trouble is enhanced because of her mental commitment to take even more Trouble for the baby, that may involve, sacrificing her own life for the child.
Any other kind of Trouble which is equivalent or more (if that is possible!) than the amount of Trouble of a mother would be assigned a Trouble score of +10.
For other kinds of Troubles that do not equal a mother’s Troubles, a lower appropriate score should be assigned. So, you see, if you had to fetch water for someone, do not think you have taken an enormous Trouble. Under this theory, the Trouble score is certainly not zero but is certainly not above 1. Since the formula does not deal with fractions, although you can use them, we will assign a Trouble score of +1. Because such minor Troubles do not deserve a score higher than +1 when seen in the light of the given benchmark.
Blame As you are aware, the TAB-UNITE definition of Blame includes Thankfulness too (which is negative Blame). Therefore, while evaluating the Blame score for the Trouble taken by Subject 1, we need to consider scores for Blame, No Blame, and Thankfulness, instead of Blame, as the case may be.
Benchmark for Measuring Blame:
When Subject 1 does not Blame Subject 2 but is not Thankful to Subject 2 either: A score of +1 is assigned. It is simple to understand.
When Subject 1 Blames Subject 2: A little or minimum, Blame is assigned a score of -1. The maximum Blame score is -10. The maximum Blame is assigned in situations where Subject 1 Blames Subject 2 for giving a large amount of Trouble, deliberately and repeatedly, or giving such Trouble that has a lasting impact. For example, a rape victim would generally Blame the rapist at maximum possible Blame score. It is because the rapist gives her victim enormous physical Trouble. He commits an actual act or threatens the violation of her body. Maybe her life too. The effects of the act or threat will likely last the lifetime of the victim. If Subject 1 believes that a sizeable amount of Trouble is given by Subject 2 to him, he will Blame Subject 2. Moreover, if he believes that it is deliberate, repeated, and with full knowledge about the ill effects of the Trouble on Subject 1, the Blame score would be closer to -10 out of the range of scores between -1 and -10.
If Subject 1, instead of Blaming Subject 2 for the Trouble, is Thankful to Subject 2 for Such Troubles, the score for Thankfulness needs to be assigned. Thankfulness ranges from +2 to +10. The benchmark for maximum Thankfulness is the Thankfulness a mother feels towards the child. She feels Thankful for the motherhood to the child, particularly to the first-born, healthy child, born after marriage, especially when the child is still dependent on her.
Did you feel that the qualifications I have added above, like ‘first-born,’ ‘after marriage,’ ‘healthy,’ ‘still dependent’ are not necessary? Please answer — Would she like these situations or any other given a chance to choose? If you answered ‘Yes,’ the qualifications I added are needed. However, there may be different qualifications in different cases.
The maximum Thankfulness score of +10 can also be achieved in many other cases. Whenever Subject 1 believes that taking Trouble for Subject 2 is good for Subject 1 or that Subject 1’s life is more fulfilled by taking such Trouble for Subject 2. A devoutly religious person would feel Thankfulness towards his God, at the maximum score level of +10.
Having understood what maximum and minimum Thankfulness levels, other cases of Subject 1’s Thankfulness to Subject 2 for the Trouble Subject 1 takes, should be judged from the benchmarks provided.
To recapitulate, Blame score ranges from -10 to -1 and +1 to +10. Note that there are no zero scores here.
Potential Physical Proximity (PPP):
PPP It is measured on a scale from +1 to +10.
Benchmark for Measuring PPP:
Please refer to the illustrations provided earlier where the physical bodies of Subject 1 and Subject 2 are (i) far apart, (ii) nearby, (iii) touching, (iv) overlapping, and (v) one’s entire body inside the other. Wherever Subject 2 does not have a physical body, such as God, Cause, it is up to Subject 1 to see and experience the physical presence of Subject 2. Subject 1 can see and experience Subject 2 — far apart from him, near him, touching him, overlapping with him, or one of them living fully inside the other. For example, Subject 1 may believe that God is inside him, or he is inside God as God is everywhere. If Subject 1 considers his country as his mother, then he would see himself inside the mother, as a child and have a similar PPP score as a mother and child.
Where the relationship is complete physical overlap as in the case of a mother-child, the PPP score is maximum at +10. For Subject 2, which is always far apart from Subject 1, the PPP score is the minimum +1. For every increase in Potential Physical Proximity, PPP score increases. In the case of Subjects who are married or cohabit, the PPP score would be 8/9. For fast friends, siblings who spend much time with Subject 1 and both touch/hug often, PPP score would be 6/7. In the case of a typical pet dog, the score can also be similar. For colleagues/friends/others who do not spend much time together but do touch like shaking hands, the PPP score would be 4/5. PPP score of 2/3 could be for Subjects that see each other often and perhaps talk but never touch each other.
You should now be able to find out the approximate PPP score between 2 Subjects. For example, one Subject has donated, say, an eye or a kidney, (i) willingly, and (ii) without compensation, to the other, and lives to see the organ receiver. What would be the PPP score they will feel towards each other? It would be between +9 and +10 because the part of one’s physical body is inside the other.
Step 4: Understand the formula for obtaining the overall TAB score.
Once the scores are identified, all three scores are multiplied to determine the final TAB score. THE final TAB score tells us how strong the positive or negative feelings of Subject 1 towards Subject 2 under the study are.
Yes, the formula is Simple!
Step 5: Compute and Interpret the TAB score:
Quantifying Emotions: TAB Score Computation
The TAB score is to be used by Subject 1 concerning any one of Subject 2, at a time. Subject 2 can also be a group of similar Subject 2s.
The most common Subject 1s and Subject 2s are listed in the table below. Note that there are more types of Subject 2s than Subject 1s. You may remember from definitions given earlier that all Subject 1s can become Subject 2, but all Subject 2s cannot become Subject 1.
TAB Score Computation:
TAB score is computed by multiplying all the scores assigned under Trouble, Blame, and PPP. The resultant number is Subject 1’s TAB score for the chosen Subject 2 during the selected period.
· Most readers of this article would have already realized that the TAB score would be a number between a negative 1000 and a positive 1000.
· Any positive score denotes positive emotions. Positive scores mean liking/caring/respect/love, and higher scores indicate higher positive emotions/love for Subject 2.
· Note that, if Trouble score is 0, the final TAB score will be 0, irrespective of scores for Blame and PPP. Therefore, both love and hate require that Trouble be taken by Subject 1 for Subject 2. (Remember, Trouble definition does not require it to be for the benefit of Subject 2. It can be against the interests of Subject 2 as well)
· Note that, if Blame score is a negative value, then the final score will be negative or zero, irrespective of positive scores of Trouble and PPP.
· Any negative score denotes negative emotions towards Subject 2. They can include dislike/disrespect/disgust/hate. A higher negative score denotes more hate for Subject 2.
· For further interpretation, you can plot the scores on the ‘TAB Score Scale’ given in the next section.
· We will learn to interpret the score in more detail later.
TAB Score Scale
Once you have calculated your TAB score for Subject 2, you can plot the score on the following graph.
A TAB score of 0 is the center point. It signifies, no emotions or apathy in Subject 1 towards Subject 2.
A TAB score between 0 and +1000 signifies positive emotions towards Subject 2. The score should be plotted on the top right quadrant, along the up-arrow.
A TAB score between 0 and -1000 signifies negative emotions towards Subject 2. The score is plotted on the bottom left quadrant, along the down-arrow.
TAB Score: Graphical Representation
Interpretation of TAB Score
Points to Note in the Interpretation of TAB Scores
1. A score of zero means no love, no hate, or feeling of no emotions by Subject 1 towards Subject 2. It is a state of general apathy or being neutral for the selected Subject 2. Recall the rating scale of different parameters of TAB, viz., Trouble, Blame/Thankfulness & PPP. A TAB score of zero is only possible when the Trouble score is zero. That means Subject 1 does not and will not take any Trouble for Subject 1. In such a scenario, he neither Blames nor is Thankful to Subject 2. That means a score of 1 for Blame. PPP score does not matter. It does not matter if Subject 2 is a colleague or a close relative of Subject 1. If the Trouble score is zero, the total TAB score, which is arrived at by multiplying all scores, will be zero.
2. A score close to +1000 signifies intense and passionate love. A score close to 1000 is only possible in relationships, where the PPP score is very high. Typically, a high PPP score is only in family relations with parents or children or where the Subjects are married or cohabit or where Subject 1 wants to marry or cohabit with Subject 2. PPP score can be equally high in the case of non-human subjects where Subject 1 sees Subject 2 to be overlapping with his own physical body. For example, Subject 1 believes that God is inside him or he is inside God, or Subject 1 sees his country as his mother and viewing the self as being inside the mother. A very high PPP score is also possible with food items as a category because the food and Subject’s physical bodies overlap for some time.
· You would realize a very high score is only possible when there is a very high Trouble Score, a very high Thankfulness Score, and a very high PPP score. At the same time, it is relatively easy to have a high Trouble score by taking much Trouble and having an extraordinarily strong commitment to take Trouble when needed. It is easy to feel very high Thankfulness towards any subject by changing the state of your mind. However, as regards relationships with humans, it is almost impossible to change the PPP score to very high when, to begin with, it was very low. High PPP score with humans happens only in blood relations or in marriage, cohabitation. The only exception to this rule is given below.
· But there is a way to increase the PPP score to the highest level instantly, even if the initial PPP score was low. That exception involves Subject 2 violating or threatening to violate the physical body of Subject 1. When that happens, their PPP score shoots up close to 10. It happens even though the criminal and the victim may not have known each other a little while ago. However, in cases where someone is threatened with violation of the body (through rape, stabbing, shooting, or hitting), in all probability, that person will not feel Thankfulness towards the aggressor. Instead, there will be a high degree of Blame felt towards the aggressor. A high Trouble score, combined with a high Blame score and a high PPP score, will make the Subject 1’s final TAB score close to -1000. That means extreme hatred towards Subject 2.
· Is it possible that a person’s body is violated or is threatened to be violated. Still, he/she does not Blame the aggressor? The answer is Yes, it is possible. It happens in all Stockholm Syndrome cases and only in Stockholm Syndrome cases. And there is a rather easy way to make someone experience Stockholm Syndrome towards you.
3. A score close to -1000 signifies intense and all-consuming hate for Subject 2. It is only possible in relationships, where the PPP score is very high. Subjects that have a very high PPP score between them are explained in the above point. However, the essential ingredient in a score close to -1000 is a very high degree of Blame. Please recall that Blame is the only parameter of the TAB-UNITE that can have a negative score. From your knowledge of basic mathematics, you would recall that when any positive number is multiplied by a negative number, the result is a negative number. Therefore, it does not matter what Subject 1’s Trouble and PPP scores are towards Subject 2. If Subject 1 Blames Subject 2 for the Trouble, his total TAB score will be negative. He will experience negative emotions towards Subject 2. In fact, the higher the Trouble and PPP scores, combined with a high Blame score, the final TAB score will be a higher negative number. That means more hatred towards Subject 2. You would have heard the saying that “More hate happens only in relations where more love is possible.” The saying has mathematical proof now.
4. At times, you might say that you have intense and extremely high hate close for someone where the PPP score seems to be very low, say, terrorists. However, there are two possibilities in your statement:
i Your hate is intense, but only momentary. It becomes intense only when you think of terrorists and their evil deeds. For most of your day, you do not think about the terrorists and do not feel the same intense hate. Therefore, the assertion that you feel intense hatred despite PPP score being low is incorrect. Or,
ii You are actively working against terrorists or continuously live in the danger of a terrorist attack. You have a high likelihood of coming in contact with terrorists. When that happens, the PPP score will be high because either the terrorist will do physical harm to your body or you will do to his. Therefore, in this case, PPP becomes high, and a high PPP score supports your intense hate for terrorists.
5. All positive TAB scores signify positive emotions or one of the forms of love, such as liking, admiration, respect, care, or love. It is either a little bit or much love.
6. Similarly, all negative TAB scores signify negative feelings or one of the forms of hate, such as dislike, annoyance, anger, contempt, disgust, or hatred.
7. Suppose you computed your TAB score for someone, and you get a TAB score between +1 and +100. This score signifies positive emotions but just a little bit. But you thought (and said) you loved that person a lot. And suppose you computed your TAB score for someone, and you get a TAB score between -1 and -100. You thought you hated this person a lot. What does this mean?
Well, saying you love or hate someone/something ‘very much’ does not make it so when you use the term in relative terms to all your Subjects. You may say you love or hate a leader or a movie star “very much.” If that is the case, compare your love with love for your children, parents, spouse, siblings, best school friend, or your small pet dog. How do you think your love for the leader/actor compares now? You would be willing to give up many such leaders/actors for every single of your relations I mentioned. Right? The fact is that your Trouble and PPP score with those leaders/actors is not as high as with other close relationships. Even if the level of your Thankfulness to the leader/actor is the same as to your close relations, you will end up with positive, but very different TAB scores.
8. TAB score for each other: When Subject 1 and Subject 2, compute their TAB scores for each other, and the scores do not match. The intensity of their emotions for each other will be different.
When the TAB scores of both the subjects for each other roughly match, the relationship will be stable. When the scores match at the highest level, the feeling of love will be mutually strong/intense.
Generally, it would be unusual to see that Subject 1 has a positive TAB score for Subject 2. Still, Subject 2 has a negative one for Subject 1. It means Subject 1 loves Subject 2, but Subject 2 hates Subject 1. A positive, and a 0 score, are possible in many situations. However, one positive and one negative score is unusual in a relationship unless the relationship has gone sour, and one of the parties is not happy with it.
When such a scenario occurs, it signifies a lack of commitment from one side and a lack of effective communication from both sides. Examples of such situations are: one spouse, Subject 1, is in love. In contrast, the other spouse, Subject 2, Blames Subject 1 for not providing or denying Subject 2 something that Subject 2 values more, than what is imagined by Subject 1. Such relationships, unless repaired, will break or just survive with very low Trouble and much lowered PPP score than before. With (i) small Trouble and (ii) lower PPP score, (iii) No Blame or a little bit or much Blame, cannot make the TAB score high. Only a high TAB score between couples means an emotional experience of deep love.
However, there is a kind of relationship where one positive and one negative score are possible, and the situation can go on for a long time: with or without a continuing relationship. That relationship is Stockholm Syndrome, which is explained in detail separately.
How to Take Corrective Action?
You can test the TAB-UNITE on yourself and your relations with different human and non-human subjects. There are usually one of the three reasons for the differences in your own and perceived TAB scores:
1. There is inadequate communication — verbal or through body language.
2. When you take Trouble for the other Subject, you Blame that Subject or show that you are not happy taking the Trouble.
3. Prejudices. If the other Subject has decided not to try to understand you, usually because of something that happened in the past, the Trouble that you are taking would not be valued by Subject 2. That means Subject 2 would not feel as much Thankfulness as Subject 2 would have felt without prejudice. This behavior by Subject 2 is likely to go on for a long time. It can be corrected when there is effective communication from Subject 2 or when Subject 1 decides to give up his prejudices. This scenario has a detailed action plan to mend the relationship between the subjects involved. However, it is too interactive and nuanced. I would perhaps write about it subsequently.
Whatever the reason, the answer is timely and consistent communication of the value of your efforts but not in a way that puts the slightest Blame on the other Subject. Instead, it should communicate a feeling of Thankfulness to the Subject for allowing you to take the Troubles. You should also be ever willing to appreciate (be Thankful) to the other Subject for every Trouble he/she takes for you. Both of you should take your PPP to the highest possible that your relationship allows.
This action plan will ensure that TAB scores for both of you are high and roughly similar. That is the sign of a strong and stable relationship.
Features of TAB Score Constituents
If you study the range of scores for each TAB score parameter, and the fact that all three scores are multiplied to get the TAB score, you may note the following important points:
Trouble: The score ranges from 0 to 10. It is the only TAB score constituent that can be 0. In the TAB score formula, the score given for Trouble is multiplied with Blame and PPP scores. We know that anything multiplied with 0 becomes 0. Therefore, the Trouble score has the power to make TAB score 0. A 0 TAB score means, no love and no hate. In other words, if you do not take any physical or mental Trouble for someone or something, you neither love nor hate him/her/it.
If you analyze this constituent of TAB-UNITE, you will realize that you only take Trouble in ‘relationships,’ desirable or otherwise. The relationships you are borne with or those you form or those get formed with you.
Blame: The score range for Blame is -10 to -1 and +1 to +10. Note that there is no 0. -10 signifies the most amount of Blame, and +10 signifies utmost Thankfulness. Blame is the only constituent of the TAB score, which can make the score negative. That means it can turn love into dislike and hate. All that is needed is for Subject 1 to take Trouble for Subject 2 and Blame Subject 2. The Blame score ranges from -1 to -10. The higher the Blame, the higher the hate for a given amount of Trouble and PPP.
PPP: The score range for PPP is from 1 to 10. PPP itself does not determine love or hate. However, a higher PPP score will accentuate both positive and negative scores. That means a higher PPP score will cause the love or hate to become stronger.
ESSENTIAL Points to Note
The following are some of the essential points to note about the TAB score.
1. Despite your best attempts, you are likely to leave out many Subject 2s from the exercise. Therefore, your TAB score does not measure or show the total love you feel. It shows the love you feel for your Subject 2s, at the point of time you are calculating your TAB score. Love is not a constant feeling. Love inside a person can grow and reduce for a subject or a group of Subjects, depending upon the developments during a time/phase of life.
2. If you find your total TAB score is positive for Subject 2 but lesser than another Subject 2, it only means that you love one Subject less than the other. However, you do love both.
3. The total of all TAB scores of a person is not comparable with the total TAB score of another person. For TAB scores to be comparable, both Subjects must consider all the Subject 2s in their lives. Then they must assign scores for all parameters of TAB score computation on the same basis. It is almost impossible. Therefore, TAB scores for different people may not be comparable.
4. Let us say that a person has many relationships with high TAB scores, say 500 for each. On the other hand, there is another person who has, say only a pet dog in his life with a TAB score of say 400. It does not mean that the second person’s love is less important than the first one.
5. The comparative TAB scores are only useful to measure the intensity of your own positive or negative feelings towards the various Subjects in your own life.
Watch This Video that also explains a single definition of all emotions.
Take this test to understand TAB-UNITE and test it on yourself or anyone else.
There is a detailed version of the TAB Unified Theory of Emotion available in my stories here.
Once you understand you can understand your emotions for others their emotions for you and you can control both.
I understand there may be you may not be able to understand fully and may think of situations where you think it may not apply. But believe me, it does. Please contact me for clarifications or consultation.
