Samsung Galaxy Note 7 — Ideal for cooking steak and other red meats

Samsung has confirmed that its Galaxy Note 7 smartphones will be repackaged and sold as firelighters to people that enjoy having barbecues.

Following the battery problems and worldwide recall of the Note 7 last year, Samsung has now revealed what will happen to the 2.5 million returned phones and predicts a soar in demand as the summer months approach.

Samsung’s head of its newly incorporated Barbecue Division Mr. Bernie Ends said, “when you’ve got 2.5 million second hand smartphones locked up in an industrial unit gathering dust, the only way you’re going to make any money out of them is by either setting up the world’s largest branch of CeX and hope there’s enough people that live nearby on pay as you go contracts or alternatively, if the phones in question burst into flames quicker than Satan’s underpants upon his heated nastiness viewing the latest Kelly Brook swimwear calendar — then that in itself is a unique selling point.”

In January 2017, Samsung’s official report confirmed the batteries in the Note 7 are the reason the handsets exploded and burst into flames during 2016 and it is rumoured the Australian and South African marketplaces will initially be targeted when the Note 7 gets rebranded as the barbey-breaker and braai-beginner respectively in each territory — the launch of the UK’s proposed Firestarter model however, has been delayed due to a trademark infringement case being brought by Keith from The Prodigy.

The Samsung Note 7 will initially be packaged up as part of a barbecue set that includes spatulas and grill forks, plus accessories to make grilling foods easier like grill racks, pots and enamel pans.

“You’ll now be able to call up your mates and invite them round for a barbecue at your place, then simply toss the phone you’ve just used onto your barbecue to get your fire started straight away. If that’s not a good example of us managing our stockpile of potentially deadly devices in an, ‘environmentally friendly,’ manner — then I really don’t know what is,” Mr. Ends added.

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