Aug 14, 2016
The most valuable lesson I learned at Tufts University.
The most important lessons I learned during my years there as an undergraduate student from 2004–2009 were received outside the classroom. This valuable life lesson gave no credits earned towards my bachelors’ degree. But what I know because of this academic institution stays with me the most.
Content note: the rest of the post contains mentions of sexual assault, abuse, institutional betrayal.
In preparation of my next #JustSaySorry burning, I visited Tufts’ website last night. As a former student who reported abuse and sexual assault to the institution, reading their new policies left me in tears.
The amount of change since my time there is astounding. Their language about student behavior is a lot less victim blaming. There are way more policies and procedures in place to address sexual assault. New administrative positions exist to assist students.
Instead of being happy about the progress, I was overwhelmed with immense sadness. I can’t help but think:
What could have been different if I reported when these people and policies were in place?
I’m mildly embarrassed to say that seeing change (progress? at least on paper) at Tufts is so painful. As a well-known anti-rape activist, I have become inextricably entrenched in doing work that requires constantly thinking about my personal trauma and the breach of trust by Tufts University after I reported (after reporting, the school declined to assist me: they didn’t hold my assailant accountable and expelled me when I started speaking out about what happened).
My life today is a dark, cautionary tale of what failing survivors looks like.
My academic dreams and pursuits dashed. My ability to make regular income non-existent. Hopes of ever being mental, emotionally, and physically well are long gone.
Deep down, I know I will never get an apology from the institutional that failed me. I will never get justice for the violation of my body and trust. I will never reap the benefits of my activism for safer campuses. And admitting it’s very tough.
My life has been irrevocably changed. It was derailed and I am not sure if I will ever get over that.
The biggest lesson I learned as a Tufts student is that very often, the bad guys win.
Before I reported, I had a naive view of the world. I thought that if you do the right thing by treating others well and speak the truth, good will always triumph over evil.
But now I know better. Powerful institutions can harm innocent people and get away with it. They can kick out abuse victims and allow rapists graduate with degrees in their name.
And the people they’ve harmed will hurt — forever.
Learn more about me at my website. Also, check out my new non-profit Survivors Eradicating Rape Culture, where you can learn more about the #JustSaySorry campaign where I will be burning items from Tufts on Facebook Live until I get an apology — or (most likely) run out of stuff.
