“Wake Up. Grow Up. Change.”
I start this blog on a day I feel worthless. On a day I feel destroyed. The abuse does not leave a physical autograph, although; I am physically sick; exhausted and affected. To the world invisible. To myself undeniable. To him, defamation. I have been living a life not real for many years now. A life in secret; a woman in hiding. A mother with no children. Human without dignity.
I have spent years having the same conversation. Wake up. Grow up. Change. A record on repeat. Begging, and pleading. Attempting to take back an ounce of control whilst sacrificing my beliefs, my conscience, and myself. Hating everything I have become. Now; Trying to wake up from my nightmare. Can I wake up now? Can I breath? Can I forget?
He will live without consequence. And I will try to continue living.
I don’t know where I go from here. I don’t want to know. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. Did he love me? Does he just need help?
I thought we were young. I thought we would grow together.