He didn’t want to feel. It was a good lesson. I don’t explain anymore.
You blow me away.
Colette Clarke Torres
91

this one sentence has resonated deeply within me. for over 24 hours. i have explained my writing. defended it. offered disclaimers. offered to remove the “offensive” pieces. tried to explain my motive. or motivation. it was hard.

those stories. not my best. are my babies. i was explaining why i created them. i felt like i was betraying them. in turn. betraying myself.

i read this sentence through a blur. damn leaky eyes. and it hit me. this is it. this is the problem. this is the bothersome thorn. the emotions being avoided. or the emotions that now have to be felt. it’s not so much that it’s me. it’s them not wanting to face something that has more to do with them than me.

i didn’t see that before. i couldn’t have known that before either. i’m not that wise. i was too busy trying to clean up a mess i though i made. not realizing the mess is supposed to be there. i was somewhat of a catalyst. for something else.

i think i grew up a little bit. i suppose it’s not bad. i wish it was pain-free. growing though.

thank you. so very much. otherwise. i have no idea how long it would have taken me to figure this out.

if it could all be so simple…

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