I am an engineer by my academic qualification, and have been one for several years, but due to a few unfortunate turns of events, I am now a staff in the corporate sector.
I am currently in my 30s and over the past years in this job, I have noticed that something has changed in me. I have gradually becoming more and more desensitised with the plight of others.
I started my career as an engineer, that requires work relationship with those from the lower rungs in the company; i.e. fellow engineers, technicians, construction workers, tea lady, office admin etc.
Over the years, due to business requirements and my own poor choices in career path, I have ended up where I am right now, which requires me to deal with middle and top management.
There are several things that I’ve noticed in comparing the two situations:
- The work relationships with the lower ranking staffs generally feels more “real” compared to the ones I have in corporate job. The corporate job needs you to create connections via a forced situation; i.e. team-building exercises, corporate getaways, etc. These sessions are meticulously planned; long hours were poured in by the working level staffs to ensure you, your colleagues and bosses “have fun”; and after several fake smiles and laughs later, you can officially label yourself “a part of the family”.
- Working as an engineer was not without its problems in work relationships. However, I found out that it’s easier to find a real connection with people. You care more for people, you talk about the small stuffs, you laugh and you smile with each other, all without a carefully coordinated team-building session. There are little to none forced relationships; you can hangout with subset groups of people who shares the same interests with you. In a corporate setting, you are forced to “enjoy” the gatherings with your bosses and colleagues.
This has taken a toll on my mental health, as I cannot tolerate fake relationships as much as my colleagues do. The consistent and unnecessary pressure to put an outward appearance that you are deeply knowledgeable on every subjects there are, just because you dress well; bosses making uninformed decisions left and right, and shedding away every responsibilities at the first sign of trouble; management treating the injuries and/or death of staffs at work sites as a hit on their KPIs which then potentially diminish their chances of getting that big performance bonus; all of this is too much.
This situation has slowly “trained” myself to become more and more numb. I expect work to be done as promised despite the difficulties that that staff faces in his/her life; I have sent congratulatory and condolence messages in group chats based on the templates that my colleagues have used so often. Everything feels impersonal, fake and forced; and I do not like where things are going.
I need to reclaim myself as the person that I used to be. A caring human being. I have been thinking of leaving this job for countless times. I am still single, without children, I am not a big spender, and if it not for my own family depending on my monthly allowances to live, it would have made the decision much easier.
I guess not everyone has the opportunity to quit our job and seek something that is meaningful to us; like those we saw so many on articles and videos online. At this point in time, I am not at the liberty to do so, but here’s hoping my moment to come soon.
