The High Functioning Alcoholic: Part II

By: Ward Richmond

I am proud to say, that today, December 29, 2019, I have successfully hit 4 years without a drop of booze.

It has been almost 2 years since I published what I like to call my Alcoholic Manifesto aka The High Functioning Alcoholic (Part I) which tells the story of why I decided to finally put down the bottle after a 20 year, passionate love affair, with alcohol. If you haven’t read Part I, you can check it out right here:

https://medium.com/@wardrichmond/the-high-functioning-alcoholic-df225e6019d

Part I has come in handy over the years whenever I get asked, “Why did you quit drinking, man? Was it for health reasons?” People always ask me this as they nod politely confirming to me that quitting for “health reasons” is a rock solid and socially acceptable excuse for throwing in the towel.

When asked about my tee totaling lifestyle, I love to respond with: “Actually, I wrote an article on it. Let me send you the link!”

Hell, I shared my Alcoholic Manifesto on LinkedIn so that my colleagues would stop giving me the crazy eye when I order O’douls at client dinners.

I recognized early on in my sobriety that my ability to eliminate alcohol from my life is a powerful gift — not a shameful weakness. My sobriety has been a proven, reliable source for Health, Strength, Power, Confidence, Happiness, Humility, Discipline, Freedom, Love and Gratitude.

I do not ever try to hide the fact that I don’t drink. Why would I? If anything, I try not to be too braggadocious about it. I imagine it would be like hiding the fact that I have 8 pack abs from the world. If I had them, I would never wear a shirt.

Nevertheless, I’ve found that despite pouring my heart out blog-style in Part I, I consistently get asked three follow up questions by almost everyone who reads it; hence, Part II, which will address the following questions:

1) “How do you know that you are really an alcoholic?”

2) “How did you quit drinking?”

3) “Do you think you will ever drink again?”

I am confident that you will find this long awaited sequel useful and hopefully even a little entertaining.

Above all, if this effort helps out just one of my fellow humans out there who may be struggling with alcohol addiction, everybody wins!

DISCLAIMER: This is simply my story. This is not professional advice for you or your drunk husband. Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. At the end of the day, I’ve found that each and every one of us is different — especially when it comes to alcohol and addiction.

If you think you have a problem, go talk to family, friends, doctors, lawyers, etc. and most definitely attend an AA Meeting. Also- please don’t hesitate to reach out to me directly if you would like to discuss further. The easiest way to track me down is on Instagram @10xward

1: “How Do You Know You Are Really An Alcoholic?”

I have never been ashamed about my abnormal love for alcohol. The fact that I can still recall the specific drinks that I used to crave with such clarity is further reinforcement that I definitely had a major problem!

I was like a (fundamentalist) Mormon at a wife convention when it came to selecting my libation of choice. Just one option was not a workable solution. I always preferred specific drinks based on the particular circumstances at play in my life.

My alcoholic beverage choice always depended on multiple factors including: the time of day, the season, the people that I was hangin’ with and most importantly, the location.

Was I at a dive bar or on a float trip? Was I in Memphis or LA? Brown liquor tastes better in Tennessee and a bottle of vodka tastes better poolside at the Hollywood Roosevelt. These are facts of life.

Like an alcoholic version of Tony Robbins, I would often visualize what I planned to drink, while drinking, (of course) enroute to some famous drinking destination like Las Vegas or Oktoberfest in Munich. I consistently smashed my life goal of getting wasted with absolute certainty each and every time.

In case you were wondering, I liked Miller Lite longnecks at dive bars. I liked Coors Light on float trips, ranch trips and ski trips. Anything outdoors called for a Silver Bullet in a can. I loved watching the Mountains on the Coors can turn blue, notifying me that it was time to crack that mofo open. The head of marketing at Coors Light and I undoubtedly share the same spirit animal.

Sometimes, even as a 37 year old man, just months before I quit, I would crack these Coors Light cans open on my forehead and shotgun the beer out like the meathead I knew I was born to be.

I also liked to do “suicide shots”. This is a party trick I learned when I played Rugby in college. To do a suicide shot is to snort a line of salt/ take a shot of tequila/ squeeze the lime juice in your eye. I did this shit at least 50 times in my adult life.

Am I an alcoholic? Hmm, let me contemplate that for a minute over a motherfucking suicide shot!

I also loved wine. I loved the taste. I loved pouring two glasses of wine into one big ass wine glass. I loved my electronic corkscrew because it opened up wine bottles so fast.

Wine made me feel like I was being responsible.

“No suicide shots tonight, dear, just a few gallons of Pinot by the fireplace.”

White wine in the day/ Red wine at night was my general rule of thumb. I loved a cool glass (or 5) of Pinot Grigio with sushi at lunchtime and often enjoyed a couple of bottles of Pinot Noir in the evening to help me wind down and pass out in my chair while re-watching Californication.

I also loved Rosé and anything that sparkled when I attended weddings and also when I was on vacation or on a boat on Lake Tahoe or in the Hamptons. Manly stuff, I know.

In fact, I liked to binge drink Champagne on airplanes enroute to business trips — and also enroute to non-business trips. If they didn’t have champagne, I’d order a Bloody Mary, just like the Willie Nelson song (double, of course). Drinking on airplanes and in airports was absolutely mandatory.

Consuming frozen margaritas with Tex Mex was also mandatory. I would choose restaurants based on margarita quality over food quality all day long. Whenever I had lunch at Mi Cocina in Dallas (multiple times per week), I would order at least 2–6 Mambo Taxis, depending on my mood.

I always mentally flipped a coin at a nice dinner if I was going to get things started with a Tito’s Vodka Martini with extra olives or a Bulleit Rye Old Fashioned. Sometimes, that coin wouldn’t ever land so I’d rotate back and forth until the wine arrived.

I enjoyed shitloads of Irish Car Bombs every Saint Patty’s Day for about 20 straight years. I drank gallons of Tuaca shots onstage back when I played music for a living.

I embraced the local craft beer movement in the years before I quit drinking which lead to several blackouts and gaining 30 lbs in 2 years. The combination of excessive calories and extreme alcohol content that is bottled up in IPAs should really be illegal.

If you are like me and get this excited about alcohol pairings with your life events, chances are, you too, may be an alcoholic, my friend.

So- don’t kid yourself and justify this odd behavior by thinking that you are some kind of an edgy artist who deserves to act irresponsibly.

Chances are, you are not a brilliant connoisseur of wine just because you know what a tannin is and getting drunk at a vineyard in Northern California is your ideal vacation.

Furthermore, just because you drink different beers every night, have a gut, a beard and wear Buddy Holly glasses, you’re not some microbrew Albert Einstein. You are most likely fucked in the head, just like me, and you also need to quit drinking right away, bro.

Remember, friends: You do not have to wake up homeless or in jail to become an official alcoholic. That just makes you an official loser.

Don’t get me wrong: you can still bounce back from rock bottom. People do it every day. Hell, you may even bounce back from rock bottom and become President one day.

Nevertheless, I guarantee you that it will be significantly easier and less painful to go ahead and quit drinking before alcohol destroys your life– not after. Quit while you're ahead.

2: “How Did You Quit Drinking?”

Once someone hears about how insanely obsessive I was when it came to consuming alcoholic beverages, the next thing everyone has to know is: “How in the world did you quit?!”

Well- if I actually wrote down all of the details, I would have a novel, so, out of respect for the value of our collective time, I will try to explain the steps I took as concisely as possible utilizing the good ol’ bullet point approach:

1) January 2015: My wife said we better go to a marriage counselor or she’s moving out and taking our kid with her!

2) March 2015: After a few months of therapy, our marriage counselor, Barb, called me a “high functioning alcoholic”! I was shocked. My wife was surprised, too! Barb told me that I need to get my own shrink to talk to about my issues with drinking. I started seeing my new therapist, Ron, shortly thereafter, on a weekly basis.

3) May 2015: I had my annual physical and I had ballooned up from 260 to a record high 290 lbs. The doctor told me I should eat and drink less and check back in in 3 months.

4) August 2015: I went back to my doctor for another checkup. I still weighed 290 and was prescribed Lisinopril for my extremely high blood pressure.

5) August 2015: I met with a psychiatrist, Steve, (who was recommended by Ron) and discussed the pharmaceutical drugs commonly used to combat alcohol addiction. Steve did not prescribe me anything after this first meeting because he realized that I lacked the true desire to quit which he explained is a key factor regarding the effectiveness of pharmaceuticals that are used to help one quit drinking.

6) September 2015: I met with a friend of mine who had recently quit drinking and I had my truly magical “moment of clarity” after hearing his story. This is the precise moment in time when I recognized that I needed to quit the booze for good or else I was going to be totally fucked in life. If you don’t believe in God, you certainly will if you have a moment of clarity like I did on this day.

7) September 2015: The day after my “moment of clarity”, I attended my first AA meeting with my buddy and his wife. I was scared shitless and did not want to attend this meeting. I was freaking out and drank like 5 beers to calm my ass down and muster up the courage to go.

Once I got to the actual meeting, my initial “moment of clarity” from the previous day was reinforced with concrete and steel. I was in the right place. The meeting was not scary. It was comforting. It was exactly what I needed.

DISCLAIMER: I am not some diehard AA guy who attends meetings every day. I have never “technically” worked through the 12 steps with a sponsor like you see in the movies. Therefore, I cannot technically sponsor others! This is OK though. Instead of sponsoring people, I just write blogs!

That being said, there is truly no better place on Earth to go if you are thinking about quitting drinking than a good old fashioned Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be scared like I was. Just do it. Act like the goddamned adult that you are and take the first step towards controlling your life.

8) September 2015: I visited Enterhealth inpatient rehab facility in Van Alstyne, TX, for a tour with my same buddy (Is this a good friend or what?!) because this is where he went to get help. I trusted his recommendation because he had already thoroughly vetted out all of the rehabs in Texas for himself. Despite being a former drunk like me, my buddy also happens to be one of the smartest guys I know, so trusting his advice and judgement was a no-brainer for me.

He recommended Enterhealth for the following reasons — all of which, appealed to me as well:

a. Inpatient therapy is great because it forces you to focus on recovery 100% of the time and limits distractions. It also feels like a mini vacation, which I definitely needed.

b. It is located close to Dallas (where I live) so my family could easily visit me.

c. You get to have your own room. I am not a “roommate guy” so this was mandatory for me.

d. It feels like you’re at a resort. ***Not like an all-inclusive resort in Cancun! It has a peaceful resort vibe like a yoga retreat. It does not feel like a hospital.

e. You can negotiate “business hours” and get access to your laptop and cellphone. This way, I could still get some work done and not have to tell all of my colleagues and clients that I was rehabbin’ it up!

f. You can customize the length of your stay if negotiated properly. My friend suggested that 3 weeks was a good idea for me so I took his advice to heart.

g. Their approach to therapy was somewhat of a hybrid incorporating some hard core science, a little Eastern and Western medicine, and of course, the infamous 12 steps. I liked the idea of a hybrid approach versus a “My Way or the Highway” approach which was typical at some of the other rehabs I was considering.

h. DISCLAIMER: Enterhealth may be different today. I really don’t know. I haven’t been back since I graduated so the information I’m sharing in this article is all circa 2015.

i. DISCLAIMER #2: Rehabs are businesses. Yes- they are businesses that help you; however, their number 1 goal is to make money (or else they can’t help you!). In my experience, they will try to get you in there as soon as possible and keep you there for as long as possible. They will try to sell you as much shit as possible while you are there (drugs, acupuncture, horse therapy, prolonged outpatient therapy, etc.) They will continue trying to sell you shit for years after you sober up and leave. This is all OK with me. I get it. I also sell things for a living. I am a capitalist to the core. That being said, it is important to be aware of this fact going in and be ready to do some negotiating. But hey- for all I know, you might actually need to stay there for 18 months, ride horses every day and attend outpatient therapy for 5 years. Thankfully, I did not.

9) September 2015: I signed up with Enterhealth and put down a $10K deposit to reserve a room for 3 weeks — beginning on December 28, 2015.

Yes- I signed up in September to quit drinking in December. I delayed my rehab start date for multiple reasons. Above all, late December/ early January is a very slow time for my business; whereas, September-November is the busiest time of the year. Keep in mind, I was making a well-informed, strategically planned, proactive, life altering decision. I was not being ordered by the court to go to rehab instead of jail.

The folks at Enterhealth did not like my plan to only stay for 3 weeks (they recommended 3 months) nor did they like my plan to delay quitting by 3 months (they wanted me to start right away). But, hey- they also still took my money!

I think they were afraid that delaying my start date might lead to me going “crazy” during those 3 months — which I kind of did.

This type of “delay” is definitely NOT recommended but at least I was able to get in one more football season, one more hunting season and one more holiday season as a fat, jolly, drunk guy. By Christmas, I looked just like Santa Claus. Thankfully, I did not die!

10) October-December 28, 2015: As mentioned, I partied pretty damn hard and drank quite a bit of booze during these last 3 months. I lost a couple of credit cards, lived through some legendary hangovers and likely helped my local bar owner friends set some sales records.

During my farewell tour of North America, I visited many of my favorite drinking destinations with many of my favorite drinking buddies including a final drunken float trip down the mighty Guadalupe River, a couple of hunting trips, plus, trips to LA, Cabo, Vegas, Toronto, New Orleans, NYC, ATL, to name a few. I also made a point to drink at lunch, every single day.

I felt obligated to try things that I had never tried before — like Dom Perignon — which I snuck into a movie theater and drank in its entirety while watching The Hateful 8 by myself on December 28, 2015 — which was the last day that I drank alcohol.

11) December 29th, 2015: Day 1 of Rehab! That’s right- I decided to delay rehab by one more day to the 29th so that I could go pound down a bottle of champ and watch the latest Quentin Tarantino film.

I did not get hammered and show up to Day 1 of Rehab slurring and stumbling like some cliché straight outta Loserville. I showed up stone cold sober, ready to get to work. After having breakfast with my wife and kid, I drove myself out there solo, blasting “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum on repeat. This was my rehab theme song. Highly recommended.

12) December 29, 2015 — January 19, 2016: I successfully completed my planned 3 weeks of rehab at Enterhealth. Here are some highlights:

a. I was a straight A student. The bottom line is, I vetted the place out and trusted the experts. I did what they told me to do.

b. I detoxed under the supervision of a doctor. This is a very smart move, kids. Thankfully, I did not personally have any super crazy withdrawal symptoms but a lot of people do. Life threatening seizures are not uncommon. I basically slept for the first 72 hours.

c. I showed up on time to all scheduled activities. I did all of the work they told me to do and then asked for extra credit. I was the biggest nerd in all of rehab. I asked lots of questions. I took it seriously. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

d. I got a few massages. I got acupuncture a few times each week. No horse therapy for me but I was definitely intrigued. I worked out at least once a day. I tried to eat as healthily as possible. I opted to not smoke cigarettes while I was there — even though it seemed like the right thing to do.

e. I read Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story” and my friend Sarah Hepola’s book “Blackout”. Both of these books are fantastic reads while in the ‘hab! Highly recommended.

f. I attended daily AA meetings.

g. I took all of the pharmaceutical drugs that the doctors recommended including Gabapentin, Trazodone, Quetiapine and Naltrexone, among others. I also completed something called GabaSynch treatment which was some crazy ass IV therapy that supposedly reprograms your brain to not crave alcohol.

h. DISCLAIMER: I have met several concerned folks in AA and other judgmental brainiacs on God’s green earth who consider taking pharmaceutical drugs to combat addiction to be “cheating”. I do not agree with this sentiment. I do not have any rules about taking PED’s when it comes to saving my life. I have one rule. It is really fucking simple: Don’t Drink Alcohol.

i. I spent about $50K of my own hard earned money to do this shit and I was determined to get my money’s worth. ***If it is not obvious, this was an EXTREMELY painful amount of money and basically made me broke! I went in there with one goal in mind: Never Drink Again. It was the first time I ever invested this heavily in myself. I can assure you, it paid for itself in no time.

13) 2016:

a. I attended weekly AA meetings and weekly appointments with my therapist and monthly visits to my psychiatrist for the rest of the year.

b. I got off the Quetiapine and Trazodone after a few months because they made me feel groggy. I switched to Nature’s Own Melatonin to help me sleep which I still use today, on occasion.

c. I hired an executive coach in March 2016 and started methodically reading self-help books including “Tools of Titans” by Tim Ferris which altered my life.

d. I began to harness the massive amounts of energy that I had been using to get drunk all of the time and started redirecting this energy towards positive actions, unleashing a newfound level of ambition that still feels supernatural, to this day. This positive energy continues to feed on itself. It is truly amazing.

14) 2017:

a. I attended AA meetings about once a month and had biweekly appointments with my therapist and bimonthly visits to my psychiatrist throughout 2017.

b. I got off Naltrexone in June of 2017 after 18 months (which was the recommended time frame per my doctor).

c. I read about 30 self-help books including the complete works of Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins. I also actually met Tony Robbins, attended 3 of his seminars and hired a Tony Robbins life coach.

d. This is also the year I learned the Transcendental Meditation technique and began practicing hot power yoga several times a week.

15) 2018:

a. In 2018, I attended AA meetings about once a quarter or whenever a friend or acquaintance wanted to attend one with me to check it out. I moved psychotherapy to once a month and checked in with my psychiatrist once a quarter.

b. I tried to read one self-help book per week. I came pretty close.

c. I continued working with my Tony Robbins coach, developed a daily meditation practice via the Headspace app and practiced hot yoga 4–5 times per week.

d. I also completed 100 hours of yoga teacher training with Baron Baptiste in Tulum. This was a rad, life altering experience.

16) 2019:

a. These days, I attend AA meetings if someone wants to check one out or is thinking about quitting drinking. If I get the urge to go to one, I go. I will definitely swing by one this week and pick up my 4 year chip. I still try to see my therapist once a month but every other month is typical.

b. I got off of Gabapentin in March 2019 which was the last pharmaceutical that I was taking to combat anxiety/ addiction and stopped seeing my psychiatrist back in July.

c. I now weigh 235 lbs. My blood pressure is normal; however, I still take a tiny dosage of Lisinopril. I hope to kick the Lisinopril to the curb in 2020.

d. I continually practice meditation, yoga, read self-help books, listen to podcasts, attend self-help seminars, and I currently work with 2 coaches, including the living legend, Grant Cardone.

e. Above all, I try to surround myself with likeminded people who are extremely inspiring, disciplined, and successful — people who vibrate with high levels of positive energy. You know the kind, right? These folks make great friends and they undeniably support me as I continue working to become the best possible version of me that I can be on this wild ride of life.

17) If you are interested in what books I read (and continue to read), I started trying to keep track of the best ones right here on my website:

https://supplychainrealestate.com/bad-ass-books-that-you-need-to-read/

3: “Do You Think You Will Ever Drink Again?”

I hope to God I never start drinking again. I view it as a death sentence.

But, here’s the deal: You never know. Never say never! You’ve heard all of the clichés before and they are clichés for a reason but you gotta take it One Day at a Time!

I don’t spend too much time worrying about the 50 year old version of me. I am much more concerned about what I am going to do today to improve my overall situation in life.

Thankfully, most days, I do not really think about alcohol.

If I do, it usually makes me cringe more than salivate. I shit you not. As you may have gathered, booze used to be my “go-to” for problem-solving but now I have literally rewired my brain to recognize that alcohol does not Solve Problems - it is Gasoline for Problem Bonfires.

Same thing with anxiety. I used to drink to cope with anxiety. Now, I know that drinking caused the shit in the first place. It’s a cycle: DRINK/ ACT LIKE AN IDIOT/ ANXIETY/ REPEAT. Think about it. Am I right or am I right?

These days, I’m trying to accomplish some massive goals in life. The foundation of the road to accomplishing massive goals in life is paved with physical and mental health. Binge drinking alcohol and crushing massive goals do not align.

I focus on things like sugar consumption to the point that I consider it a “cheat day” if I drink a Gatorade after yoga because it has 34 grams of sugar in a 20 oz bottle!

When I think about all of the sugar that I consumed when I drank alcohol, I get nauseous. When it comes to nutrition, alcohol is pure fucking poison. These days, I literally feel guilty when I eat too much bread so drinking 6 Mambo Taxis no longer serves me.

Times have changed. My priorities have massively shifted. I told my parents that I want a box of crystals for Christmas to alleviate the negative energy from my house. They definitely think I am insane! My old drinking buddies call me Yoga Ward. I know they still love me but they also definitely think I have a screw loose.

I work with yogis and gurus and shamans and hypnotherapists to learn about chakras and energy and breathwork as I try to continually evolve my level of consciousness.

I focus on creating a life for myself that is overflowing with opportunity for Growth, Contribution, Significance, Certainty, Variety, Love & Connection. These are the 6 Basic Human Needs according to Tony Robbins. I want to experience them all in extremely high quantities.

Alcohol does not have a place in this new world that I am manifesting for myself.

All that being said, just like that smokin’ hot ex-girlfriend who also happened to be a drug dealer, I still have moments of weakness when I miss the good old days and want to hang out with her just one more time — even though I know it is definitely not the smart thing to do.

These cravings happen out of nowhere. Thankfully, I have never acted on this powerful, primal instinct but it is definitely always there lurking in the shadows and I doubt it will ever disappear.

Maybe I’m at a Christmas party or walking through the airport, who knows? Something strange happens! My mouth starts watering. Like a wolf. Seriously. It is weird.

If werewolves were real, I would guess that this is how they would feel right when that full moon starts to rise and they begin to turn!

Thankfully, I am not a werewolf. I am a grown-ass man.

Therefore, when these intense, mouth-watering sensations hit me and I’m on the verge of losing all control, I utilize my grown-ass man skills.

These are the skills that I’ve learned in Rehab and Psychotherapy and AA and Yoga and Meditation and via reading hundreds of self-help books and walking on fire with Tony Fuckin’ Robbins and taking an ice bath with Wim Hof and meditating with some next level mystics like Sadhguru and what not.

These skills are extremely valuable tools that require constant sharpening to remain effective and impactful.

Quitting alcohol is not a problem that gets solved overnight. It is a lifestyle which requires drive and discipline. It is like an art form that you have to continuously work on improving. Are you picking up what I’m putting down??

So, when these cravings arise out of thin air and blind side me, here’s what I do:

I take a deep breath, in through the nose, and out through the mouth and I do a motherfucking visualizing exercise.

Yes- I pretend that I am Quentin Tarantino and I then create his next award winning film in my head in a matter of seconds.

The film is always the same and it goes like this (in bullet points):

1) Healthy, prosperous, successful, good looking, goal crushing, family man, enlightened, Yoga Ward decides to start drinking alcohol again.

2) The first night off the wagon is a ton of fun despite the fact that Ward blacks out after 6 beers since he has zero tolerance.

3) Fast forward 12 months and Ward is fat again. Also- Ward is hungover like a mofo. The hangovers are actually way worse than ever before because now he is in his 40’s!

4) Ward is struggling. He spends all of his energy trying to pretend that he does not have a drinking problem and that everything is under control. No one is buying it.

5) He tries to quit again but he can’t quit for longer than a couple of days. He tries to find that elusive “Moment of Clarity” he once had but it is long gone.

6) Ward sweats when he ties his shoes because his gut is uncomfortably big. Ward wears sweatpants all of the time and has alcohol and cigarettes delivered to his house using an app so he doesn’t have to drive anywhere. Poor fucking guy!

7) Ward’s drinking methodically destroys his family. His wife cries all of the time. His kids are worried about their daddy. The worry and the tears soon turn to disappointment and eventually hate.

8) Ward’s friends, family, colleagues and clients are all very concerned but they don’t want to say anything. Slowly but surely, they start phasing Ward out of their lives.

9) Ward often does not come home to have dinner with his family because he is embarrassed about reeking of booze and cigarettes. He hangs out at dive bars until midnight on Tuesdays, chain smoking and having conversations about how tough life is with drunken 24 year olds.

10) Everybody knows that something bad is going to happen and everybody who knows Ward is very sad.

11) Last but not least, Ward dies a horribly painful death at age 55 due to pancreatitis/ liver failure/ heart attack combo like the fat ass loser of a drunk that he decided he wanted to be during his final years on Earth.

12) The End.

I don’t know if I love this movie or if I hate it.

It is a scary fucking movie but it also saves my life every damn time I watch it in my head.

For that, I am thankful.