The Smell of Triumph
I have experienced many things in my time on this big blue marble. Many good. Some bad. And then there are experiences that makes one question what the universe has against you. That was my yesterday.
The irony is not lost on me that I live in a town called Normal. My life is anything but normal. In the early morning hours of July 25 I was reminded of this and will continue to be reminded for many weeks to come…maybe even longer.
At 4:42 AM CT, my three dogs — Jilly Bean, Gal and Yoshi — had to go potty. It is about the same time they have to go every morning. They were let out into the fenced in back yard and within seconds, noticed a presence in the far corner of the yard. An intruder for sure but was it a neighbors’ cat or the opossum who was in the yard just a few days earlier (the dogs scared it enough then to appear dead but I put it in a bucket and it took off a few hours later). Maybe it was the raccoon that I caught on camera in my attic months ago? Or worse, what if it was a thief or criminal!
In the darkness, the dogs couldn’t be seen but they clearly had something pinned against the fence. No growling or barking. Just loud sniffing. Then, in the darkness, a flash of white just before the smell.
You all know that I love my dogs and the stupid things they do. Growing up on a farm in Iowa, the dogs are usually smart enough to avoid skunks so we never really had to deal with dogs being sprayed. City dogs are different. They are a special kind of stupid.
Jilly Bean took a full spray to the face (her big pit bull head isn’t exactly hard to miss). Gal also took it straight to her muzzle. Yoshi got it the least but still a nice hit to his body. The skunk got away terrified but unharmed.
Now this is where the story could have ended easily with “and then I cleaned the dogs”. But nothing is that easy when you live in a town called Normal.
I ran to the kitchen door that leads to the backyard. It is the same kitchen door that many of you may have seen video of me gagging repeatedly while carrying the dog kennel outside following Gal’s bout of explosive diarrhea.
In the early morning fog of sleep and skunk smell, I opened the door (DUMBASS!) and three dogs rushed past me in panic. They split in different directions. Gal ran upstairs to her safe spot — my bed. Jilly Bean ran to her safe spot — the couch (new couch purchased in November 2016 after she ate the previous couch. You may have seen THAT video too).Yoshi just stood in the kitchen in shock at the whole thing. He’s a pug so everything works a little slower for them anyway.
Just a recap — I had three dogs, all who had just received potent blasts of skunk juice to the face and body, in my house. I chose to first run upstairs and grab Gal off my bed. She was scared so I just wrapped her into the comforter and carried her outside. Jilly Bean had followed me upstairs so I yelled (bad mom) at her to get outside. Yoshi just stood in the kitchen watching the drama. His little brain was still trying to comprehend what was happening.



By the way, all of this was caught on my Canary camera but I can’t share it because it really is nothing more than screaming and swearing. If Canary adds an upgrade to include odor recognition, then that would be worth sharing.
With the dogs outside, I could finally assess the situation. Jilly Bean was rubbing all over the back yard bushes. Gal was so scared she threw up and then hid outside. Yoshi just walked around the patio like a combat survivor. I grabbed my phone and quickly googled “dog sprayed by skunk”. I already knew that the whole tomato juice bath didn’t really work so I was looking for any remedy to try.
The first remedy that popped us was to mix 1 quart of hydrogen peroxide with ¼ cup of baking soda and 1 tablespoon of Dawn dishwashing liquid to remove the skunk oil on fur. This seemed to be a popular remedy and created enough to wash a 30–40 pound dog…once. I have THREE dogs that weigh 25 lbs, 40 lbs, and 70 lbs respectively. I didn’t have 4 quarts of hydrogen peroxide on hand (see this is EXACTLY why preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse is important!) and the stores didn’t open for a few hours.

A second remedy was to mix a cup of vanilla extract with a gallon of water and soak the dogs’ fur for 10 minutes before applying dog shampoo and rinsing. A CUP OF VANILLA EXTRACT??!! Good lord, I can barely make pancakes so I sure as hell don’t have tubs (is that what it is sold in??) of vanilla extract.
A third option showed some promise. It includes mixing 1 part apple cider vinegar (which I had) with 2 parts water (which I also had). I grabbed the vinegar and didn’t really care about mixing exactly. Instead I poured the vinegar into a bowl and then poured even more water into that same bowl. I found Gal hiding behind a bush in the yard and she was the easiest to grab at the time to try the mixture. Very gently, I took a sponge and washed her face, carefully avoiding her eyes, ears, and mouth. After 10 minutes, I rinsed it off and hoped that rainbows and unicorns would fall from the sky at my triumph. Instead, I now had a dog that smelled like a mixture of sulfur and vinegar. It did mute the skunk smell but it was still quite potent.
It was around this time that my 16 year old son Hunter came outside, shirt covering his nose and complaining how everything in the house smelled like ass and dead folk. He spent the next hour complaining about the smell on the dogs, the yard, and the house. He gagged. He threw up. He finally stood in the middle of the street, threw up again, and called his dad to pick him up. Everyone has their kryptonite. Mine is the smell of dog diarrhea and clowns (equal in my disgust). His weakness is apparently the smell of skunk oil. When the chips are down and reeks of skunk, Hunter is not the hero I needed. At least I didn’t have to listen to his bitching anymore. Seriously though, his room smells like a mix of goat and old cheese and he has the gall to complain about the skunk smell!

Now that the whiny teenager had abandoned both his mother, his dogs and his home, I got back on task. My one saving grace was that the recent heat wave had broken and it was in the mid-60’s outside. Once the sun rose, temps would rise and I couldn’t leave the dogs outside to marinate in skunk juices. I just left the dogs outside in the yard for a minute to check on how bad the house was smelling inside.
It was bad. While being a bit overly dramatic, he was justified in his revolt at the smell. Time was of the essence and the longer it sat in the house, the easier the smell would permeate everything. I shut off the A/C and opened windows to increase air flow. I turned on ceiling fans, floor fans and anything that would circulate air. I sprayed every can of Febreze that I owned. I found incense left over from college so now my neighbors probably think I am covering up the smell of pot too! That is the least of my worries. I put down all of the pet carpet odorizer that I had. I also pulled out all of the candles I could find to burn them…but only once I was inside the house. Never leave burning candles unattended. Safety first, smell second.
It seemed as though time was moving in slow motion but the store was now open and we cleared out their supply of hydrogen peroxide. I didn’t care that the clerk probably thinks I am running a shady back room plastic surgery clinic, I had enough peroxide to bleach the hair of every sorority girl on campus. This time the mixture was carefully measured. With gloves on, Yoshi was up first because he was standing by still wondering what was going on. He didn’t get a full blast like the other two so my hope was that he would only need one good cleaning. The hydrogen peroxide remedy was massaged into his fur and rinsed off after 5 minutes. His big brown eyes and squishy face stared up at me, begging me to give him a smile to show that everything would be ok.
He got that smile.
Thankfully it worked and following a quick bath with dog shampoo, Yoshi smelled like pomegranate berry and not stink monster. To show us how pleased he was, he ran around the yard in delight. Which prompted the other two dogs to come out of the bushes to chase after him and play. I laughed at how adorable it was. Until my smile turned upside down and I hurdled after them in the yard because the DAMN CLEAN DOG was playing with the DAMN STINKY DOGS!! Sweet. Baby. Jesus.
Crisis was averted and I was able to get Yoshi in the house before his pleasant clean smell was ruined. He was so upset, clawing and howling at the kitchen door because he was separated from his pack. With Hunter out of the house, he was the only male and didn’t appreciate not being able to patrol his bitches.
Gal was up next and she seemed to be the most scared out of all three dogs. Poor thing wasn’t sure if she was in trouble for stinking. All she knew was that mom had been cursing and running around frantically for hours. The presence of the garden hose only added to her terror. She rolled onto her back submissively and every time I tried to get her to stand up to clean her, she rolled over again. I felt so bad for her but after one application of the hydrogen peroxide remedy, she too smelled like pomegranate berry shampoo. And just like Yoshi, she celebrated by running around the yard gleefully.
Last up was the big girl, Jilly Bean. She took the worst shot directly to the face and eyes. We rinsed out her eyes right away so they weren’t red or irritated. She also didn’t seem to really care that she was a reeking monster from hell. Out of all the dogs, she seemed to be the most at ease with the entire situation. It only took one application of the hydrogen peroxide mix to get her body smelling much better. Her head took two applications though and still had just a hint of dead carcass smell. It was something I could live with.
The dogs were left out to dry off in the sun while I went into the house to begin the cleaning process. I burned candles, lit incense, sprayed more Febreze, and cleaned the carpets. Another good online tip I found was putting out bowls of vinegar and water to absorb the smell in the house. It seemed to help. Or maybe it was just hope returning to me.
Exhausted after hours of cleaning, there was still the slightest sulfur odor in the house. After multiple showers, I felt better and probably smelled better too. The dogs were let back into the house and promptly crawled up onto the couch to sleep. The ordeal was traumatizing for them. I gave them my french fries from lunch to show them that everything was getting back to normal. Hunter even made a triumphant return. He texted me at 6:30 pm and asked how the house smelled. I told him everything was fine and an hour later he was home, complaining that it still smelled but this time it wasn’t skunk. He was complaining that it smelled like vinegar. Whatever. I chalk it up as a win.



Of interest, I talked to Paul Gallagher with Maine Specialty Dogs who trains all the dogs with the State Farm Arson Dog Program. Paul was a Maine State Trooper and K9 handler for many years before becoming a trainer and said that the Maine State Police distributed Massengill douche in 4 packs to canine handlers to deal with run-ins with skunks. Apparently douche works great for more than just a stinky vajajay. I could only imagine what a store cashier would think I had gone to the store and bought all the douche on the shelves!! Paul also informed me that if skunk smells gets on your skin, rub Crest toothpaste onto your hands and then on your body. Let it sit for 10 minutes, rinse off and repeat if necessary. Knowledge is power my friends.