35. Queen Christina (1933)

Directed by Rouben Mamoulian
Written by H. M. Harwood and Salka Viertel
Starring Greta Garbo, John Gilbert, and Ian Keith

Breasts and dresses are the sole markers of femininity in 17th century Sweden. Christina’s hairless face doesn’t keep her from passing, even though all the men have mustaches or goatees. Dysphoria isn’t the issue so much as access to masculine spaces and activities. The queen says her father raised her as a boy. My dad tried. My favorite article of clothing in high school was a black velvet jacket. Greta Garbo gives a blowjob to a bunch of grapes while Antonio sits with his legs spread. You’d think they’d sweat more by the fire. For the Spaniard, it’s a matter of honor that another man share his bed. When my old bands went on the road, sleeping beside a bandmate generally signaled that everything was cool, which often it wasn’t because of long drives and hangovers and playing three shows in a row to like four people. My last tour was in 2009. My friend D and I bounced around New England: a rowhouse kitchen in Boston; a wide-open field in Leverett, MA; a sneaker and skateboard shop in New London, CT. The hippies in Montpelier were dicks and didn’t pay us anything, so we stole a power strip and a bottle of Cholula hot sauce on our way out of the bar. I drove buzzed up a mountain and through the evening fog while D and I sang along to the Smiths. Christina has never left Sweden but, a heavy reader, she fills her mind with the latest continental culture. Those aren’t crocodile tears her subjects shed during her abdication. But c’mon dudes — she’s stepping down because you keep policing who she can and can’t fuck. Anyway, Christina looks happier standing on the bough of a Spain-ward ship than seated on a gilded throne. Does John Gilbert’s portrayal of a Spanish nobleman count as brownface? Despite the dignity he bestows the character. So casually does Christina mouth-kiss Ebba, the jealous, petticoated noblewoman who longs for the queen’s affections. Without a husband, Christina can let her queerness breathe.