49. The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

Directed by Lewis Milestone
Written by Robert Rossen
Starring Barbara Stanwyck, Van Heflin, Lizabeth Scott, and Kirk Douglas
CW: depression

Rain never feels worth it unless it pours. Two years ago, on his fifth birthday, my nephew stood in the dining room of my sister’s house and stared out through the sliding glass door, transfixed by the sudden torrent. His white chocolate Lego cake was [fire emoji]. I had just started taking lithium to supplement the other meds I’m on, whose efficacy had dipped after ten years of continuous use. It wasn’t so much depression as it was losing the capacity for happiness. Reading up on the potential side effects triggered a bunch of gender stuff that would have surfaced sooner or later, anyway. My psychiatrist implored me to chill. I was in the pit for Next to Normal last month, and a few of the musicians wondered aloud what lithium is and does. Are they singing about batteries? Guess who kept their mouth shut. There’s no real logic behind what I’m open about on the Internet vs. real life. I probably shouldn’t have told X what happens to Martha’s kitten, but how else could I have explained how murder begets murder? That mean aunt got what she deserved. When did you get drunk? might not be the most probing question to ask someone who is currently drunk. It’s cool to make outrageous requests of childhood friends, so long as it’s for old times’ sake. I’m confident Larry Krasner will be a way better DA than Walter, who uses his power to keep tabs on his wife. In America, job creators and war heroes are less culpable than normal people for their misdeeds. I like how a camp fire [fire emoji] as a visual shorthand for sex doesn’t signify any specific act. Maybe Toni is the least culpable of everyone, betraying Sam for freedom, not personal gain. Though I guess freedom is a kind of personal gain. X was also pretty horrified to learn how the whole story ends. Maybe sometimes you don’t have to explain everything.