BITTER, SWEET.

Each moment so sweet,

a day spent in your presence,

the loving embrace

of all that is you.

A shared smile from

a golden lotus heart,

expanding

into a single breath,

a shared breath,

be brave and let go into

an orgasmic ‘fuck yes!’

Love

this life,

fill it with tears

of joy.

Some days we are lost,

separated from each other,

filled with bitterness

cold, so cold

cutting skin,

stinging eyes.

Even with tropical heat

I see a glacial reflection,

‘I’m good

You?’

‘Yeah, I’m great!’

A perfected smile,

no soft inviting eyes,

no open reaching hand,

no experiences shared,

just a quantum void

of ‘I know best,’ and distance.

A panic floods my brain and blood,

a deathly sweet sugar rush,

I recognise the loop here

no not again.

The pushing away

fuelled from a blind spot,

cruel lessons to learn.

A gift to floor the tough guy

exposing a hurt place,

to be gently

brought back to life, to love.

Kindness, over bearing

another gift

for the child

the smothering good boy exposed

to be gently

brought back to love,

to life.

Hours and days pass

I hide in the shade, fall back

into a sea of black

searching to find a way to

‘just be.’

But I don’t want to see

anything but opposites,

a binary blindness,

infected by a collective madness.

The only intimacy on lost days

is the caress of a cheek

by a single tear escaping,

betraying the mask,

searing,

no pain felt,

no loneliness felt,

no abandonment felt

all neatly trapped inside,

held in a solid state,

before falling

shattering

as it hits the ground.

Then you call

a burst of exalted happy birdsong

out of the black and blue shadows,

‘I’ve got infinite options,’ I’m gently reminded

‘my possibilities are unbound,’

but I choose you.

My infintie options always sing you, you, you

too.

We embrace the fear

remembering the all,

where moments before

we were

two finite impossibilities

sickly sweet

and unpalatably bitter

now I’m able to be the glory.

Together we can live the love

hold the space

keep the balance

be the witness,

taste and yet transcend

the bittersweet

mouthful of strong dark chocolate,

only now with a silent

and still

heart centre.

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