You had me fucked up
It used to be so hard to see
Yeah, loving is easy
When everything’s perfect
Please don’t change a single little thing for me
Rex Orange County sang that, I don’t know how they come up with that, I mean they write good songs but still —
Anyway LOOove, yeah yk the drill. it’s a feeling that is often romanticized, in fact you can say that love itself is romance. To love is to receive a glimpse from heaven so they say. It’s that sunshine and rainbows and butterflies in your stomach and that ‘and they lived happily ever after’. Honestly I don’t f with that. Younger me would disagree though, I’m actually a hopeless romantic which could also be interpreted as romantically hopeless but really I used to thought that love is the answer to everything, to everlasting happiness and all in between. Like some unconscious part of me really believed wholeheartedly that when I found my soul-mate, everything would be smooth sailing and nothing will ever ruin that.
Although I still believe that from time to time, the conscious part of my brain currently battles it. It’s on a stalemate but, I’m rooting for the latter. Growing up with romantic stories and badly written soap operas, I used to believe that if I liked someone, I have to win her heart. I have to chase them. Effort. Show that you want them. It’s almost like that shounen anime cliche when the main character never give up, with enough effort they’ll eventually get it. Achieve it. Let me tell you — it doesn’t work like that-dattebayo!
It demands effort, that part is true but it shouldn’t be one sided. At least meet me in the middle. Many would agree that a decently healthy romantic relationship is built together. Setting up boundaries, figuring things out, wondering what you both like and don’t like, solving problems that bothers you both, things like that. I’d argue that it’s like building a house — aight it’s not really a good analogy coz when the time comes you both will build a house-hold together but anyway, You’re building a house for both of you, so you should both be comfortable. If it’s only built by one person to fulfill the need of comfort for the other, then you’re not building a house together. You’re a real estate developer. Bad analogy but I hope y’all gets it. It’s just not fair, and one of you wouldn’t be comfortable and it won’t be long before it crumbles.
I was all on my own
Almost glad to be alone
Until love came in on time, on time
My past experiences haven’t been kind. Not a single one actually worked out in the end. Nothing ever get past the ‘are we lovers or just friends ; idk let’s not put a label on it yet’ stage. To be honest I don’t really remember the ending. Like the finale was always devastating sure but the good part resonates stronger than the resolution. Looking back, I’m always grateful that I shared that meaningful experience with someone I cared about(at the time).
Still, knowing that undeniable truth. Even knowing the reality that my heart has broken so many times before, I would gladly experience the feeling falling in love again.
