To quote Jung, "If a person wants to be cured, it is necessary to find a way in which his conscious personality and his shadow can live together."
The final and most important question after having found and accepted your shadow is this:How can I change for the better?
There is a beautiful benefit to finding and accepting your Shadow, the acquiring of a certain wisdom that's hidden in every single part of yourself even the parts that seem bad. This means that for all the parts of our shadow that we acknowledge and accept we can use those parts of us in a good way. Once you know what's been holding you back, you can actually use it to go forward.
If your Shadow is a dragon and you're the Knight fighting against it, you haven't won by merely entering the fight and facing your opponent.
You have to overcome it. The recommendation is thus "not to passively accept your Shadow". It would be akin to passively standing before the dragon so to speak.
So if you found greediness in your Shadow, this doesn't mean you just have to go on knowing you're a greedy person and never change. This too would leave you feeling like a bad undesirable or deficient person. It's unlikely that you'd be confidently greedy since you still think of it as bad. Instead, to actually grow more confident and fond of yourself, you should use it.
Acceptance is merely a way to go to the next step which is, Integrating the shadow into our behavior and lives. Your Shadow is here to teach you.
It's here to show you who you are. Why you are the way you are. And why that's wonderful. All Shadow traits are traits that could be good if only you use them right. Let's go back to the example of having found greediness in your Shadow as a response to the treatment you've got in your childhood.
If you've made it this far, you can go on to analyze this trait to work out what behaviors this has caused. Did you become overly generous to combat it? Or have you been behaving greedily while beating yourself up over it? In any case, you should sit down and think, journal, or talk with others about what behaviors you've exhibited as a result of certain undesirable traits. And then think "How else could I act?"
How would I rather act? The shadow is an invitation to think about your behavior and learn. Now is the time to analyze what you think is actually greed, and what you think are normal acts of self-preservation. Not wanting to give your friend your most expensive outfit is normal, but not wanting to let them borrow a spare coat for the night when they forgot theirs might just be a reaction coming from your childhood and you can adjust your behavior.
When before you probably launched onto either one extreme or the other, now you've found out that you're allowed to keep your expensive clothes to yourself but could be a bit more generous with the stuff you don't care that much about anyway.
On the one hand, you can donate to causes you care about, but on the other, it's also okay to spend a little on yourself sometimes. Such a balance, never going to one extreme or the other can only be found when you've faced your shadow traits and Incorporated them into your life.
Or as another example, somebody who's been pushing down fear by being too impulsive can start to use it to think their actions through more. Somebody who's let their life be controlled by fear can now use it as an opportunity to become courageous. The beauty of bad traits is that they make us conscious and considerate. The shadow is a beautiful part of you that can be a great help if you just let it.
Integrate Your Shadow by finding out what good behaviors can come from those bad traits. Only then, will you reflect your inner self truly in your actions, and only then you won't have to fear judgment from others. Nobody can call you out on being greedy or a coward or anything else If you've already examined and combated that behavior instead of denying it.
You will never be more Sure of yourself than when you've accepted every single part of yourself and behaved accordingly. Not only will this make you feel more confident, more free, and happier, but it will also leave you feeling completely assured of who you are and how you behave.
So I finally accepted that I was exhibiting pride by never accepting to be wrong and being defensive. I stopped trying to deny it and make excuses for It. When the phone dropped I went home and sat with myself and began to wonder why I was attributed with a trait I hated so much. But more importantly, why was it that I was so defensive?
That began my journey of self-discovery because as I came to find, I had a lot of childhood experiences that destroyed my sense of self. I had low self-esteem and it became hard for me to accept I was wrong because I was scared if people found out I was wrong, they wouldn't like me anymore and since I didn't like myself, I depended heavily on outside validation to make me feel good about myself. Now you see why I couldn't let anything happen to my image.
Then I started healing and building my confidence and value on more superior knowledge and started learning to handle criticism gracefully without taking it personally. I started learning to separate my opinions from my personality. I started living consciously. I know how to not take things personally but I also know how to defend my opinion unrepentantly when I'm convinced I'm right. I want to believe I still retain a healthy dose of pride. It's made me Honest, Responsible, Independent, and Excellence oriented.
Sometimes this my same friend, knowing full well how much I've really turned my life around on that front, would tease me and say "You've changed but you're still a very proud fellow" and I'd go "Yeah I can see how that's a possibility" Of course Nancy doesn't like this reply, she expects me now like before, to be offended but I'm not.
Find Your Shadow, Accept Your Shadow, and integrate it into your Life.
