Why Supporting Jessie J and Rizzle Kicks was the most depressing day of my life.

So what’s my story? Well life for me for a long time was all about music. To a degree it still is.

A friend of mine recently said music is the fuel that makes the world turn and I couldn’t agree more.

Yesterday I spoke about turning 30 without achieving that magical goal that dream job.

The career in… wait for it… Music.

The truth is I got close; the Promised Land was just over the clef...

This is my tale of not living in the moment and enjoying the present.

I have few regrets in life, as I believe everything happens for a reason. That reason could be a life lesson or a moment of elevation. However this night has to go down as a regret… As well as a life lesson.

My former band The Stow was starting to pick up that all important industry buzz. We’d, had a strong summer on the festival circuit, our fan base was swelling and we were on the verge of signing with one of the biggest agents in the land.

To top it all off, we had been asked to perform along side Jessie J, Rizzle Kicks and one of my favourite artist Miles Kane!

It had been 6 or so years in the making, but I could almost taste the lime from the lights.

Daggers

Now to offer some sort of context, at the time I was playing many roles within the band. From front man and songwriter to booking agent/ manager and everything else in-between.

The following was a snippet of of my mind state and perception at the time.

I had wanted to achieve my goal of being an artist for so long, I’d worked for so long to achieve it that, I was battle weary.

More then a little frustrated at my self, I’d ran out of patience’s with the plethora of music industry reps who would ask to watch us and not turn up.

This is the music industry and every living artist has experienced it, for me after 6 years it was wearing thin.

In my mind things where getting tight. I knew I had set myself a date to stop doing music at 30 and I was 29!

The dream was close but so was my self-imposed cut off date. It was now or never. My future was depending on it.

Dagger #1

On reflection I can admit I was jealous, I was jealous of acts I had seen come up after us.

Rizzle Kicks, at the time had been a band that started after us, who at one stage where playing similar bills and now they were the stars.

I wanted to achieve what they had and went too far in my mind-set. Making my future goal bigger than the current moment.

Dagger #2

The band and I knew most of Rizzle Kicks and Jessie’s band through various shows and friendship circles.

As the guys where talking sharing stories I overheard the plans for the other artist on the bill.

I heard the amazing things they where doing in the up coming days and weeks.

I remember them comparing show schedules to see where they might bump into each other next.

They sounded like they where enjoying every moment of the life they had worked hard to achieve.

On hearing this all I could think of was the fact that at 9 am, I would be back in my retail job. Back pretending to sale clothes while I wrote new song ideas on till receipt paper.

As I approached the stage heart beating out my chest, 3000+ people in attendance. I remember thinking all I want to do is perform and leave.

My mind was in a cesspool of negative energy. Living in a time that had long gone, and tussling with a future that was yet to happen.

The Regret

Now think about this for a moment…

Most artist or musician of a certain level would give their left arm to be doing what I was about to do.

Which was to go out and perform in front of an amazing crowd playing material that they had crafted.

It should of been a highlight of my life. I should have taken in the moment and experienced it hanging on to each second like it was my last. (Which ironically it was)

I should have lived in the moment, instead I did what so many of us do, I time travelled.

I became fixated on a future that hadn’t happened. I got lost in a past moment when the people we where supporting were our peers.

In doing so I completely missed what could have been the greatest night of my life.

All my memories from the night are of the regrets of not living in the present.

Looking back now I’m thankful for the experience, as it has taught me one of my biggest lessons to date.

Live in the moment, enjoy your present, cherish and accept your current achievements, while they are happening.

Believe me the future you will thank you for it, and your past will look so much better.

This is article number 2 of 7… See you tomrrow as usual all feedback is welcome.