How To Talk About Talking About Talking To Women Who Are Wearing Headphones

A stock photo of a woman in headphones. Bet you’re sick of seeing these.

Hey, fellow men!

So you’re probably not the kind of guy that hangs about on sites that teach you how to “pick up” women, and if you are it is because of a misunderstanding and you’re actually looking for tips to build your upper body strength (in case you ever need to rescue your dear old mother from a fire, or other emergency situation.)

Despite this, you’re now aware of an article on one of these websites, in which a man teaches you (a man) how to talk to a woman in headphones (including tips such as “ask her to take her headphones off,” and “talk to her.”) “What’s the problem,” you think, “I may need — one day — to inform a woman (in headphones) that, say, her car alarm is going off, or her phone is ringing, or a seagull has landed close by and is approaching with a malevolent look in it’s eye.” On closer inspection, though, the article is about interrupting her to tell her she is attractive to you. “Why would I do that, it’s weird,” you may think. And you would be right. Other thoughts may include “What if she’s the girl of my dreams, and I hear this…

…coming out of her headphones?” However you look at it, it’s a bad idea.

But you know of it now, because you are friends with some women that find it disgraceful that a douchebag known for being a douchebag has done something only a douchebag would do. Subsequently they have given the douchebag’s douchebag behaviour more attention that it deserves, and you — a man — know about it, and feel guilty that men exist. Men that not only feel that approaching a disinterested woman with gormless compliments is a good idea, but also that writing an instruction manual about it is also a good idea, also. Also.

How, then, to proceed? Do you write a feminist article calling out the original article, but risk being considered as bad as the headphone guy because you may be seen as pandering to women so they’ll like you? Do you join a discussion about it, letting people know that “not all men (with a hashtag),” thus giving it more attention? Or do you write a nonsensical rambling thing that cashes in on a popular subject whilst coming to no conclusions? I know what I would do.

Seacrest out (I’m not a Seacrest — I don’t even know what one is, but I presume it’s like a Grebe.)

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