Wasp Eye Chinese Phone Call Bullshit

For those of you unfamiliar with my boss, (a.k.a. Wasp Eye,) he was, and still occasionally is, a spectacularly terrible liar who is prone to creating some of the most over the top excuses and tall tales.

Half a decade ago, twitter’s Andy Dawson began a site called Billy Bullshit. My boss was the first person I though of when I saw this, and so began submitting his tales. The more elaborate ones are the best, as they are stitched together from years of contradictory re-tellings of the same thing (the first one, where he pushes a defrosted wasp into his eye, is the origin of the name.)

He can be seen lying here.

Last week Wasp Eye was in a total flap because he had a very important phone call coming on his mobile. He told everyone he was expecting an important call from China, which had to be taken “regardless of what else needs doing.”

At 11am I am on the phone and I hear him sprinting up the stairs.

“Jay, fucks sake Jay”

I look, he has his hand to his ear.

There is no phone in his hand.

“Fucking HELL I can’t… I’m on the p… China….” he splutters, using the hand he isn’t pretending to be a phone to pull my own handset away. I ignore him and I hear him rushing about behind me, muttering about how he “doesn’t have time for this shit.”

He hits me on the arm, I look and he still has one hand holding an imaginary phone.

“The note!” he yells, and points at the desk behind me. Then he runs outside.

I finish what I am doing, then I look at his note.

No prizes at all for guessing who owns that mobile phone.

Forty-five minutes later he re-appears, claiming to have “negotiated a deal” with “the Chinese.” He slipped his phone in his pocket when he thought nobody was looking.

I have no idea where he went.

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