Trigger Warning

When I did sex ed, aged 14/15, they showed us really awful cartoon versions of real events (not hentai, not even family guy). When it got to the live action film about childbirth (which, I have to add, was a clinical Hollywood version of childhood complete with 6 month old baby standing in for a newborn,) our friend Gary had an idea.

“Guys,” he said to us. “when it shows the baby, we should all pretend to faint. That will be a laugh.” Well the four of us exchanged looks behind his back, that said “why the?… of course we won’t!” Then we all said okay.

We were in the science rooms, on hard tiled floors, perched on stools so high our feet didn’t touch the ground. When a baby appeared on screen, Gary did a dramatic swoon and loudly declared he was going to faint (imagine a 1930s movie heroine discovering her beau is injured in a war).

The stool slipped and shot out in front of him and he hit the floor with a sickening crack. Blood spilled out of the back of his head and we were all evacuated while an ambulance arrived. He needed stitches, and had concussion but he was okay.

I never did find out how babies are made