What Goes On In Your Head?

Do you ever have those moments where nothing interests you? Where your sad songs seem to have lost the novelty of fresh sorrow? Where no amount of David Sedaris or Jenny Lawson can provoke a demonic laughter out of you?

Moments where no movie calls to you, where your cup of serotonin is empty and you can’t reply your messages? Where the dark, miserable memes that are really just humorous representations of your life have no effect?

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?

When you do, what do you do? Do you just lay in bed and leave the music tab in your head open? Hoping against all hope that something makes you feel something.. anything? You would take anger, sorrow, pain, anything to feel alive?

What do you do in those moments where you are waiting for life to flow into you? Do you drown in your thoughts, struggling to untangle your yarn of sorrow? Or do you just let yourself drift away on a wave of nothingness?

What runs through your mind when you lay in bed at night, some sad song playing softly in the background? Is that when the questions come to you? Do you think about all the friends you’ve lost? Do you imagine how you will lose the ones which, by some miracle, still have?

Do you ever feel lonely knowing that you could never truly naked yourself, bare your soul? Do you get the feeling that you are playing a losing game? Do you ever think “All this, for what?”

Do you then try to distract yourself? Do you get tired of sending messages that you purposely cloud in brittle laughing emojis and a foggy cloud of sarcasm? Do you ever get tired of pretending? Do you get mad when people don’t receive your unsent signals? Are you unsure of the kind of person you are; a bad one or a fake good one?

Do you feel too tired to go on?

Do you ever think of starting afresh? Do you think you should see a therapist because you want to bare your soul to someone who knows nothing about you, someone paid to not judge you?

Are you afraid to let anyone see your darkside?

Do you ever wish someone could read your mind and answer your questions? Do you think your soggy pillow ever gets tired of getting drenched? Do you tell people to live, to love, to feel? Do you realize you may be a hypocrite?

Do you remember the time you hit your head or the time you jumped into a conversation that had nothing to do with you? Do you question your sanity? Do you ever wish to wash your brain in bleach, squeeze out your memories and start all over? Do you ever wish you could go back in time and fix your mistakes? Do you wish to get exactly what you give?

What do you in those moments where you are waiting for life to flow into you?

Just a bunch of questions for you to answer..or not.