And so it begins
October 24, 2014 B finally made the move that changed it all.
We’ve been good, good friends for years. We’ve flirted some, but just because it was fun. There was never any real intent behind it — at least I never thought there was. We are just so very different that it never really occurred to me that a romance would work. He’s so young, so laid back, so sweetly naive in some ways. And I’m so much older, uptight and completely cynical about life. I’m a planner and desperately need to have all my ducks in a row. He plans nothing and wouldn’t know a duck if it bit him. Unless, you know, he’s shooting the duck on a hunt with his buddies. I mean, he’s a REPUBLICAN, for god’s sake.
But when I quit that stupid paper route, suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about him…you know…like that. Which was weird, and inexplicable. But what the heck, I just rolled with it and had a few lovely day-dreams and just kept moving.
Until October 24, when out of the blue it felt like, he invited me to a wedding reception with him. We spent the night together which seemed both surprising and inevitable at the same time.
As I was on the way to the hotel where the reception was, I texted my closest friend for moral support. Here’s our text conversation from the next day. I laugh now. If only I knew what a ride I was in for….
Her: What’s he doin tonight?
Me: He’s crashing early. He didn’t get to nap today like I did.
Her: What’s next for u 2?
Me: I don’t know
Me: I think he’s conflicted. He really likes me.
Her: And you?
Her: If he likes you, why would he be conflicted?
Me: I don’t think he’s considered a real relationship with anyone.
Her: Maybe he just hasn’t found what he’s looking for
Me: He’s 33. I thought he was older than that.
Me: Maybe he’s uncomfortable with the age difference.
Her: That’s dumb
Me: It looks dumb when you are 45. I remember being in my 30's though. I get it.
Me: I trust him.
Me: I trust him not to be careless with me.
Me: I trust him not to lie to me.
Me: He trusts me not to create drama
Her: Good. I don’t want to have to kick his ass
Me: And we enjoy each other’s company. So we’ll just play it by ear. I’m content with that as a start. So is he.
Me: At one point last night I said “this isn’t a one-time thing, is it?” and he was all “oh hell no.”
Me: Apparently, he’s been on this train in his mind FAR longer than I have.
Her: That’s good to
Me: He kept saying things like “I can’t believe you are here.” and “this feels like a dream”
Her: Awwww! I love that!!
Me: I think he just needs to process it all so he can figure out what he wants.
Me: And I’m ok with that. Whatever we are doing, we are friends first. I won’t crowd him. He knows I’m here and at the moment available. We shall see how he takes advantage of that.
Me: But I am guarding my heart pretty fiercely until I now what he does want.
Her: You have to
What do they say about famous last words? <facepalm>