i’m not well

Wednesday afternoon, July 22, 2015

Breakup Day 5.

At about 4 yesterday, he msg’d me that he wanted to go hit a bucket of balls at 4:15 and could I meet him? I said I could at 4:30 and he was all “no, that’s too late. I’ll get caught in traffic”.

So I suggested later that evening and he said he had plans. Maybe tomorrow for lunch we can go, he says. I asked what was going on that night and he said “People to see, places to go”. It’s the first time (of many) where it was really none of my business. So instead I wondered.

He said “We could go to Steve’s Thurs and hit balls at BFC”. When I told him I couldn’t go to BFC because Abby is coming, he was disappointed.

So this morning, I’m wondering if he’s gonna follow up on the ‘maybe at lunch’ thing and he’s not on FB. HE’S ALWAYS ON FB unless he spent the night at someone’s house last night.

Now, I’m the psycho ex-girlfriend stalking him on Facebook and assuming the worst of him, when that’s just not him. He probably went out with friends and got too drunk to drive home so he stayed the night. His phone died without the charger and he didn’t realize it. I bet he’s not even at work today. I know that it shouldn’t matter to me, but I hate not knowing.

He’s probably gonna let his family hook him up with Brooke now.

We really are better off as friends. He doesn’t want what I have to offer and that’s a nonstarter, right there.

Then why can I not stop thinking of him? And wondering.

I’m not well.

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