Oh dear

October 28, Tuesday

I like this boy so very much. He makes me laugh. All the time. And I get butterflies with it now.

He thinks I’m beautiful, and he makes me feel that way.

I rolled into work this morning after spending extra time to look good, which is stupid because he’s seen me at my absolute worst. I hadn’t been in my cube for more than 5 minutes when he comes round the corner looking for me. I looked up and saw him there and we both just smiled at each other for a second. Relief swept through me. There was no awkwardness, just delight at seeing him, and his smile said exactly the same thing to me. He took up his customary place leaning against the table behind my desk as I swiveled my chair to talk to him.

Him: Hey
Me: Hey yourself.
<more grinning>
Him: So, what are you doing this Friday?
Me: Nothing that I know of
Him: Would you like to go to a Halloween party with me? It’s at my buddy’s house, so it’s gonna be kinda crazy, and you won’t really know anyone so it’s ok if you don’t want to go…
Me <cutting him off>: Yes.
Him: Yes? You want to go with me?
Me: Yes
<more grinning>
Him: Sweet
<he cleared his throat>
Him: And um…you can sleep over at my place…you know, if you want to drink. I know you don’t get to do that because you are always everyone else’s designated driver. I mean, damn. That sounded really aggressive, didn’t it? I don’t mean you have to, you know…
Me: Yes.
You: Yes?
Me: Yes.
<more grinning>

And then someone hollered his name and he went to go help them.

Last Friday I said I didn’t want to be a One Night Stand and he was all “Oh hell no”. But when I said I wanted to date him like a real relationship, he said, “that’s hard for me”. I get it. My 45 to his 33 seems quite awkward to him and he’s undecided on how to do that with his friends. But then today he invited me to a Halloween party with his friends with an optional sleepover this Friday. I guess he resolved that quickly. ☺

He stopped by my cube what felt like 100 times to just chat, always finding a way to touch me casually. It made me fly.

Through the course of the day, I find out that this party is a costume party. So I’ve got to come up with something clever and fun and cheap in 3 days. I keep throwing out ideas all day long. He groans at my pun costumes, but I like em. After work, we get on FaceBook chat for hours tonight discussing costumes and tv and just stuff. He is worried about his costume — Carl from Aqua Team Hunger Strike. I pull up the show on Netflix and watch in another window while chatting. He keeps apologizing for the stupid humor, which I think is hysterical. Why does he keep apologizing? I can’t figure out why he is worried about it, it’ll be a great laugh between him and his buddies who will get the inside joke. Finally, I tease it out of him: he is worried about being an unattractive, fat, bald guy with me. I cannot convince him that I don’t care. We spend hours trying to figure out costumes. Finally I say, “Look: you be Carl the inside joke, I’ll be a pun. You do you. I’ll do me. Nothing better than for us to just be who we are, right?

His response: You know I adore you, right?

We also talk about me staying over:

Him: we don’t have to get after it like last fri
i was a bit wound up
but i definitely want to spend more time with you ☺

We laugh and laugh together. And it gives me butterflies. And he asked me to lunch tomorrow. ☺ I hope he kisses me. How silly is that?

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