The Monday After

October 27, 2014 — Monday
I spent the rest of the weekend trying hard not to think about him. I was entirely unsuccessful and grateful that I didn’t work on Monday. That gave me one more day to get my thoughts in order before I saw him. As if that helped at all!

What the hell have I done? Will he call me? Had that been a one night stand? Do I feel guilty? No. Should I feel guilty? Maybe. Is it gonna be weird at work? He’s so sweet. I can’t believe he’s liked me for as long as he says he has. Maybe that was just a line. Was it a line? I don’t think so. He’s not that kind of a guy. This doesn’t change what I have always known about him. Is this gonna be just a sex thing? Am I ok with that? Is he going to want more? Oh my god I’m so much older than him. His buddies mean so much to him, they will give him such a hard time if they know. Maybe this will just be a random every once in a while thing when neither of us are in a real relationship? Is that ok with me? What does he want? OMG, what do I want? I want to date him. Like a real relationship. Will he? I made him a promise that I wouldn’t lie and we would never, never do the game playing thing. I’m gonna have to talk to him about all this. Shit. How can I talk to him if I don’t even know what the hell I want or what the hell I’m thinking? I’ll just follow his lead when I see him at work tomorrow I suppose. I know guys don’t overthink and freak out like this. I wonder if he’s thought of me at all this weekend. I feel like a fucking teenager. What the hell is wrong with me?

And on and on and on it went. My head is an exhausting place to be. I did not call, text or email him in any way. I wanted the next move to be his. I just didn’t want to crowd him.

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