Yer killin’ me Smalls
November 22, Saturday
After blowing me off all for 2 weeks, I wrote that last entry. Then I went to my daughter’s play alone which always makes me feel sorry for myself. But instead of wallowing, I got proactive and got on OK Cupid afterward and chatted with Robbie, who is obsessed with my figure, apparently. <sigh>
And right on cue, who pops into FB chat at midnight? Right. He flirts with me and I call him on it.
Him: i got a comforter today that doesn't shed feathers
Me: Oh, nice. Dude, whatcha telling me about your comforter for? Tease.
Him: you’ll have to see it for yourself
Me: Now you are flirting with me? After 2 weeks of blowing me off and shutting me out? wtf?
Him: haha. i know, im an idiot. i dont know what to say
Me: No, but you are predictable. It’s after midnight. You have had mucho drinks. That’s when you think of me. I’m ok with that, but let’s be honest about it.
Him: no. you aren't that. you are wonderful.
Me: So why don’t you kiss me more? I really like the kissing.
Him: me too
Me: And also. I really love that you said we shouldn’t have sex. I don’t know that you know that. But you are right. And that makes this more fun for me. I know. Wierd.
Him: I just know me.. and when I’m with you, that’s REALLLY what I want, and i have a hard time fighting it
Me: NOT THAT I DONT WANT SEX lol
Him: I KNOW LOL. same
Him: i mean. my house is totalllyyy empty
Me: oh man. i so called this.
Him: hah. i dont doubt it
Me: Ask me. Cuz I’m not chasing you.
Me: It was the please that did it.
Me: damn you. lol
Him: you don’t have to
Him: it’s late
Me: I know. But the thing is that I desperately want to. So. Ok. Make it worth my while. I’ll be there shortly.
Me: Wait. DOES THE HEAT WORK?
Him: oh ya
Me: k. omw
Him: that got fixed the day after you were here…
Him: alright, you know where you are going?
Me: did you move?
Me: then yeah. I have it.
Me: Stop talking to me so I can get some clothes on…
So, yeah. A 10 minute pseudo conversation and I’m on my way to his house. We made out for about 3 hours before finally caving and having sex. Man, I love sex with him. Stayed up all night with him, heading home at 7am to take daughter for Thanksgiving baskets. Lots of good conversations throughout the night. Among them:
At some point, he said “you need to get out more” and I laughed at him. “You are so weird. I’m here, in your bed, tangled up in you (he’s peppering me with kisses while I speak) and you are telling me to go out with other guys. Weirdo.” He stopped and looked in my eyes — “No. Not other guys. I didn’t say that.” So I said, “honey, I’m only dating other guys because you want me to. You told me not to fall in love with you. In order for me to do that, I gotta see other people. Cuz if it’s just you, it’s gonna be just you. I’m just trying to give you what you said you wanted. You said not to fall in love” He sighed and rolled away, closing his eyes. “I don’t know what I want.” I touched his face and snuggled in. “Baby, I understand, I really do. I can wait for you to catch up. For a while.”
Him: What do you mean?
Me: I know what I want. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone. I want it to be you. But it’s not right now — you aren’t there with me. I get that. So I’m fine doing this. Spending time with no strings and waiting for your heart to catch up to mine. If it does, well then, cool. But eventually, I’ll move on, and this will have been a wonderful interlude that brought richness to my life
Me: Does that bother you? Bother you to know how easily I could fall in love with you?
Him: No. How could it? It thrills me a little bit. You are wonderful. I don’t deserve you.
Me: Maybe not, but you do have me. At least for tonight anyway. ☺
Other sweet things:
Me: I should not have slept with you that first night.
Him: That was my fault
Me: Bullshit. If I’d said no, you’d have respected it.
Him: Yeah, but I pushed
Me: It was just too soon for us, and that put everything on a weird timeline for a relationship.
Him: Too soon? It has been 7 years coming. I’ve wanted to be with you since the moment I met you.
Him: I enjoy you all the time. Even when you are bitchy.
Him: Cuz I understand you.