Weeenzy_ disconnected from the game.
The quest for self improvement is, for me, inspiring starts and jarring stops. The want to better is overshadowed by the ease of laziness, and it’s been that way since I was a freshman in high school. Elementary and middle school…I was driven to be the top of my class. I was incredibly smart, was a G.A.T.E. kid, and was at one time ranked 7th in California for math proficiency.
Then, when I became a LHS Fighting Zebra, I found the art of barely passing classes. I was still smart, still aced exams and scored well on the standardized tests, but gave the absolute minimum effort everywhere else. I did this all the way through high school and college — really took “C’s get degrees” to heart.
Flash forward to present day and I, luckily, have not let that mindset penetrate my work life. I mean I’m sure I’m not running at 110% every single day of the week, but I would never label my work ethic as lazy or lacking.
Maybe worse though, I have let it take over my personal life. Much like being a “C” or “average” student, I have coasted and let myself go through the days as an average husband and an average person. And think about it, an average husband is ehhhhh and an average person is a stagnant non-learner.
Most would be ok with this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be the average. Not me. It makes me sick every day because I know that I have made the decision to essentially give up and skate through life. What am I going to do? Live until I die and make no mark? What the fuck? Terrible.
So, in an effort to actually do something about this, I sat down and had the following internal monologue roadmapping why I am not living up to true Weeenzy status:
Laziness. I know that. But what drives the laziness? It’s too easy to give up. Why? Because it’s easy for me to numb my mind with — shit I hate saying this — video games.
As dumb as it may sound, my heart sank when I realized I need to give up video games. Please realize that I have been playing games since I was younger than 5. I would hold a disconnected controller and believe I was playing the demo, eventually moved to controlling the character, and have been leveling up and and defeating bosses since I can remember.
Guys, one of my most vivid memories was feeling so ecstatic that I defeated the Elite Four on Pokemon Red Version, sitting cross legged on a rug in the warm sun by the sliding glass door in my childhood home.
My heart sank again when Wife Re brought up that it would be nice if we could spend more time together before the baby comes in January. What a gut punch, how could Playstation be more important than that????
I haven’t touched a game in close to a week. The only loophole I will allow is if Wife Re and I play together. She’s a worthy Mario Kart competitor and kicks anyone’s ass at Guitar Hero. Step one is complete, remove the addiction and heart of heart of my lack of progress. Step two is to replace it with a positive habit. Wish me luck.