Week 13: Guy On A Bike Who Lost His Hat

Remember when Debbie ad libbed the last part of the not-a-song when Alicia and I went on vacation? Anyway, it’s at 2:13 of the “Week Off”

Debbie jokingly said I could do a song about a “guy on a bike who lost his hat”

So we did.

MONDAY

This is probably the most useful hat ever. I’m definitely going to wear this all the time. Tinfoil goes with *everything*.

TUESDAY

Now that I’ve got my awesome hat, I’m able to go outside again, and guess what?? I just bought a bike for myself! It will help me to travel fast enough to evade some of the satellite tracking they have on me. (Obviously a car was out of the question because of the inevitable built-in GPS.)

WEDNESDAY

I’m going out for Doritos and pepperoni, the foods of the apocalypse. I figure I might as well get used to them now. Wish me luck!

THURSDAY

(scrawled on a set of 4 napkins)

MY HAT! MY HAT BLEW RIGHT OFF I NEEDED THAT HAT! I NEEDED THAT HAT! DAMMIT. Dammit! Okay, well, okay, I had better write my manifesto NOW then, while I’m partly shielded from satellites by this awning. I’m writing this on napkins from the diner I’m standing near. This is probably my last writing as a human male. I don’t know what they’re going to turn me into, but once the government and the aliens are done fighting over me, I’ll probably be lucky to end up as a pile of non-sentient, unfeeling goo. I can’t take any more experiments. I would like my bike to go to Stephanie, once I’m done using it — I’m going to ride it around right now and look for my hat or look for a way to make a new one (I regret burning the instructions I wrote up, now, but it was understandable that I didn’t want anyone to find them) until I can’t anymore or until they catch me, but the bike will probably still be good when they take me away — because anyway, Stephanie is my favorite ex-girlfriend. She hardly ever rolled her eyes at me and for that I am grateful. Everybody else can sort through the rest of my things. They’re not worth much, anyway. But not Jessica, she is the worst. OH I THINK I SEE IT MY HAT I’M GOING TO GET IT NOW

WAITRESS PLEASE SEND THIS SET OF NAPKINS TO STEPHANIE HIDDLESTON 243 MAJOR AVENUE THANK YOU

FRIDAY

(posted on telephone pole in center of town)

FOUND: One bike, slightly dented, left on side of road. See photo. If this is your bike, call 555–6734 for details and we will return it to you.

SATURDAY

My best friend’s 5-year-old daughter helped out with this week’s song. We sat down in front of the mic, me with my guitar, and her with her drums, and made what turned out to be a really cute song.

My favorite part might be when I tell Sophie to “Play a drum solo.” and she enthusiastically whispers “Okay!” and later when she whispers “You sing — it’s your turn to sing!”

Touché, Soph. That was super-cute.