Is Another NFL Team REALLY Going to Make This Mistake Again?

The mistake I’m referring to isn’t selecting a pass play in an obvious running situation at a key point in a Super Bowl (paging the Seahawks and Falcons…). It isn’t hiring Rex Ryan (paging the Buffalo Bills). And it isn’t moving the team (Rams anyone? Chargers? Maybe the Raiders?).

No, I’m talking about signing a back-up QB with about eight impressive snaps in their prior season to a ridiculous contract (or perhaps trading the farm for said QB).

I mean, how many times can the fucking Texans do this? Isn’t the defintion of crazy doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome? Something like that at least. Yeah, then the Texans are batshit crazy. Crazier than your ex.

Houston has become the land of overpaid, misfit QBs. Anyone remember Matt Schaub? Looked like a stud in Atlanta over the course of a few games. Houston goes all in. He proceeds to kind of suck for several years in Houston.

Brian Hoyer at least played a substantial amount in Cleveland before Houston signed him. I may be talking out of my ass here, but I’m pretty sure he was better in Cleveland (yes, in CLEVELAND) than he was in Houston.

There was Ryan Mallett. Sure the Texan didn’t give up much for him, but after a few (literally) impressive snaps in New England, Houston thought Mallett might be the answer to their QB woes. Wrong.

So what do the Texans do last season? Sign Brock fucking Osweiler to a mammoth deal. Must have been after seeing a great work-out, you say? Nope. Didn’t even bring him in for a work-out. Oh, but the word was he had a cannon arm and a high football IQ. Wrong! Maybe he can throw the ball pretty well, but what good is having a cannon for an arm when all you do is check-down EVERY DAMN TIME? Good thing he gets some power behind those three yard dump-downs to his RB. Oh and the football IQ? I don’t have inside sources or anything like that, and even I heard he is incapable of reading defenses…and that was before he got signed by Houston. Oh, but he looked good in Denver during the year, you say? Okay. That’s true. But did you notice how simple they made the playbook for him? He wasn’t running Peyton’s offense. Did you remember he had a fantastic team around him? Top-tier WRS, a consistent running game, and the NFL’s best defense…of course he looked good.

Here is my word of caution to NFL teams (not that they care what I have to say, but I want this on the record now):

If a guy plays a few snaps for a top-tier team and looks great…it’s not that he’s great, it’s that the team around him and the system the coach employs is probably great. If you’re a team like the Jets, the Texans, or the Browns, you need to look in the mirror and remind yourself “We suck and this guy will be awful here!”

Specifically, if the QB looks good playing for the Patriots, you have to know he will suck in your system. Most QBs look good in New England. That is not a knock against Brady, who is the greatest of all time. It is an endorsement of the system in New England and the coaching staff and its gameplan. It is a testament to the collective football IQ of the players on the team and their dedication to their roles on every play. When was the last time a QB DIDN’T look good playing for the Pats? Hoyer looked good. Mallett looked good.

And now, Jimmy G. looks good. And everyone is talking about giving up players and picks to welcome him to town. And they are all the likely suspects. The Browns. The Bears (Brian Hoyer…). The Jets. And, of course, the Texans.

So here’s my advice: DON’T FUCKING DO IT!!! Let history and this fan with no playing experience or inside sources be your guide. Jimmy G. is not the answer if you are Houston!!! Even if you think he is, you can’t do it! Is he the answer for the Bears? NO! You need way more than a QB! The Jets? He’s ony the answer if he comes to town with a bomb strapped to his chest and blows up the whole organization so you can just start over already!

But what about the Browns? Ehhhh…maybe. He probably fits the Browns best. Hue can coach QBs. The team isn’t expecting to win a ton in the upcoming season so you have some time…but then again, you would need to sign him to a contract extension or a new contract at the end of the seaosn and once you bring him on board he’ll have the leverage to demand a big contract. So, NO! Keep your draft picks. Draft defense. Commit to a three- to four-year plan. Big Ben will be retired, Flacco will be replaced, and the Bengals (my beloved Bengals) will be finding new ways to collapse in the winter months. If you just stick to the plan (you know, that Belichick was working on before you fired him…the one that has led him to win five Super Bowls with the Pats…), your time might actually come.

Just don’t sign Jimmy G.! There is one place that Jimmy G. might be good in the future…and that’s with the Pats, when Brady retires at 54.

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