I Am Home

At once, I became a part — if only a tiny part — of a cosmos. . . .

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225

I can remember countless meetings where I thought, “I’m not one of these people, I don’t need a program”. I didn’t want to mingle with anybody, I just wanted to sit through the meeting and make up some ridiculous excuse why I couldn’t stay and help clean up. Since I didn’t have a car, I would usually have my ride lined up to come early and wait outside the meeting. That way I could always leave quickly and give the old “goodbye shout” to everyone. I felt I didn’t need to hang around, after all, the meeting was over right?

It wasn’t until I began doing service work that I started to understand that I was one of them. I was now part of an ‘us’. I remember my sponsor asked me to run the registration table at a Soberfest function we were having. I couldn’t understand why she would want me to do that since I was so new to the program. Why was she throwing me to the wolves? I had social anxiety. Why would she think I would be able to meet and greet people in my condition?…blah blah blah, me, me, me…

Looking back, I see why she asked me. I got to meet so many people as they came through the doors of that function. I was cleverly tricked into meeting people in the program. After a half hour or so at the table, I began to relax and started making small talk with the members as they came through the registration line. I met so many people that day. I am forever grateful to my sponsor for asking me to run the registration table that day. I also began to notice other people that had social anxiety and I began to approach them to try to console them. I was overcoming my anxiety, I felt like I belonged.

I began to see that while we are all different, we are all part of a solution. Service work is so important and the feeling of belonging does wonders. I was helping people to help myself.

After the function was over, I made so many new friendships. Friendships that will last a lifetime. I began asking women in the program to give me rides to meetings which led to functions outside of the rooms. No more ‘rescue ride’ waiting outside the meeting hall. I finally began to feel like I was home. I had found where I needed to be.

Shortly after that day, I became more serious about my program of recovery. I started to get to meetings early and stay later to talk and socialize with other members. I was finally part of something that had a purpose.


Originally published at sobermomof2.blogspot.com on February 21, 2017.

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