#sexedsunday: role playing

I am not a medical expert or professional, please ask a medical professional if you have any questions or concerns about your health.

What is Role Playing?

Sexual role playing is a form of erotic play that is used as a method to heighten sexual arousal of you and your partner(s) by re-enacting a scenario or playing different characters. It usually takes the form of a specific, but temporary, role often based on dynamics we experience in real life. There is usually little to no extension outside of the bedroom, but doesn’t mean there cannot be. Role playing is closely tied to our fantasies, which are a way for us to safely explore things that turn us on or what we might want to do sexually.

Why Role Play?

Role playing is a way to live out fantasies in an environment that is (hopefully) safe and comfortable. Role playing can reignite passion, bring new excitement into the bedroom, and heighten arousal. It also can add more lead up to sex, extending foreplay and adding more depth.

Potential Role Playing Hangups

Role playing can be nerve racking, and pretending to be someone different (especially while vulnerable) can be hard. It can be especially difficult to reveal to your partner(s) some of your deepest desires and fantasies, and you may be worried that your partner won’t understand, feel gross, freak out, or think it’s wrong. These are all valid feelings to consider before trying to role play.

What Do You Need to Roleplay?

In terms of physical things you need yourself and partner(s) and possibly props and costumes if you want to use them. Mentally you should have some level of imagination and or creativity, a sense of humor and ability to laugh at oneself, and the ability to be in the moment and have fun with your character.

What Are Some Role Play Options?

Some common role play scenarios or characters include celebrities, police/criminal, sergeant/recruit, teacher/student, ageplay, incest, dominance/submission, exploring gender, initiations, and more. Whatever you can imagine, you can role play.

Guide to Role Playing

If you are a beginner to role playing feel free to skip the costumes and props, and try roles that don’t push your boundaries too far. As you get more experience you can get more adventurous and add things in.

Here are some general guidelines:

  • talk with your partner(s) before sex about it
  • don’t try too hard or over think
  • say what comes naturally
  • understand what turns you and your partner on
  • the more you feel the part the more fun you should have
  • have a way to get end early if someone gets uncomfortable
  • avoid judgement, but also don’t participate in anything you don’t want to
  • try using costumes and props
  • jump in without fear of embarrassment

ENACT model

  • Explore — ask questions about what you and your partner want to do, what you like, what your desires are. Create a list.
  • Negotiate — discuss your partner’s needs, pick a scene you both want to do, talk about what you have or use, agree upon terms and conditions ofthe role play
  • Analyze — know your character. What is their name? How do they act? What do they look and dress like? What are their turn ons? What do they sounds like? How do they move?
  • Choreograph — come up with dialogue and scripts, find costumes and props, and figure out what you will do and when/how.
  • Transform — actual role playing

Even if you don’t use the ENACT model, it is still important to negotiate before role playing. Answer these questions with your partner(s): What do you want? What do you need? Do you have any limits? What are some things you are willing to try or things you are not willing to try? Safeword?

All of this information for this post came from the following sources:

The Joy of Gay Sex (3rd edition). Dr. Silverstein, Picano. Pgs 214–215

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (2nd edition). Felice Newman. Desires and Fantasies pgs 15–16. Sex and Partnership pgs 129–131

http://bit.ly/2lMz1GX — Bedroom Role Play — Role Playing 101

http://bit.ly/2mtSwsc — College Candy — Role Playing 101

http://bit.ly/2mciVdf — Your Tango — ENACT model

http://bit.ly/2lMgJpC — Lelo — Role Play Ideas

http://bit.ly/1JzeHDk — Love Panky — Role Play Guide for Beginners

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