The Upward Spiral

A Review of Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life

West of the Sun
Sep 2, 2018 · 12 min read

“You should never give up the better that resides within for the security you already have — and certainly not when you have already caught a glimpse, an undeniable glimpse, of something beyond.”

Peterson’s subtitle for this book is An Antidote to Chaos. The guidelines he prescribes run the gamut from parenting to self-care to prioritization. All of them, in some sense, seek to create order where there might be none in our lives — or at the very least mitigate the chaos. Unfortunately, Peterson’s main points are obfuscated by meandering philosophical musings that get so far off track you can forget what rule you’re supposed to be learning about. And while I’m generally skeptical of self-help books (having read far too many of them), I do usually find a nugget of wisdom or two that can almost make a borderline incoherent book like this worth reading.

There’s certainly a good deal of overlap with Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey always wrote of focusing on one’s “circle of influence,” the things within our immediate control — not external circumstances that we have no sway over. In the same light, Peterson talks a lot about (in a roundabout way) focusing on ourselves and the immediate steps we can take to better ourselves before anything:

Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

The first step here being to start to stop doing what you know for a fact to be wrong — the things you’re doing that have a virtual 100% probability of making your life worse. You don’t need some strict code of conduct to adhere to, just use common sense. I believe Buffett’s advice goes something like this:

“Do nothing you would not be happy to have an unfriendly but intelligent reporter write about on the front page of a newspaper.”

While we can always complain about events and circumstances outside of our control, the reality is the ruminating probably only adds to our suffering. Why be angry at something outside of your influence when you could be busy doing something now to make your life better?

Peterson also speaks of friendships and marriage, emphasizing the importance of listening. Covey’s Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is awfully similar to Peterson’s version:

Rule 9: Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t

Peterson’s advice here is quite sensible, if not very original. But he is a psychologist experienced with clients who would know a thing or two about listening. A few points to remember:

  • Good listening means not constantly thinking of what you’re going to say next while the other person is talking
  • Repeating or summarizing what the other person has said before you respond is a good tactic for bettering your understanding
  • People don’t always want solutions to their problems, rather they want to be heard and understood

Although many sections of the book get clouded in philosophical exercises or tangential explanations of different myths, I did particularly appreciate Peterson’s discussion of finding purpose:

Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)

While delayed gratification may run counter to our natural instincts, sacrifice now — in the form of time, energy, money — is the only means to improve the future. The author asks the reader to ask herself to explicitly consider what she is sacrificing currently to make her future reality more in line with what she wants. We cannot make the world or our lives change form without both effort and sacrifice, and this means regulating our impulses and explicitly considering our future selves when taking action to day. As Peterson says:

“Expedience only serves to transfer your responsibility to someone else (or your future self).”

Expediency, the quick satisfaction of our impulses, generates no meaning or purpose because it was borne out of nothing. If we want to find purpose, we have to find some degree of joy in the journey towards the goal rather than the goal itself. This idea reminded me a lot of George Leonard’s Mastery. Leonard speaks of the path to mastering any skill, a path which naturally doesn’t have a true end destination. Seeing the fruits of our labor can be extremely rewarding when attempting to master a skill, but we probably shouldn’t just be waiting for these peaks of accomplishment that might be few and far between. We need to find purpose and joy in the process itself:

“If you stay on the path long enough, you’ll find it to be a vivid place, with its ups and downs, its challenges and comforts, its surprises, disappointments, and unconditional joys. You’ll take your share of bumps and bruises while traveling — bruises of ego as well as of the body, mind, and spirit — but it might well turn out to be the most reliable thing in your life.”

Lastly, I definitely identify with Peterson’s framework for gauging progress:

Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today

In the age of Instagram, access to images of people living “better, fuller” lives than you is literally at your fingertips. Pick any skill or endeavor you want, if you go online you can virtually without fail find hundreds or thousands of people better than you at whatever you chose. Peterson encourages the reader with a few thoughts:

  • There isn’t just one game to win at life
  • Skills exist on a continuum, and there will always be someone better or worse than you
  • We can always pivot to a new game if we find ourselves unsuited to a particular one
  • By comparing ourselves to others, we may inadvertently be overvaluing what we don’t have and undervaluing what we do

Instead, looking to past version of ourselves is really the only sensible framework for assessing progress. If we can just be a tad better than who we were yesterday, those small gains can compound over time. We also have to realize that solutions to our particular problems must be tailored to us, personally and precisely. What works for others may not work for us, and the goals others pursue may not even be worthwhile in the first place. I found Peterson’s thoughts in this chapter to be the most practical and actionable in the book.

I’ve obviously jumped all over the place and didn’t cover all the rules, but these were probably the most valuable points I got out of this one. Peterson’s style can be so incredibly self-indulgent and excessive that it makes you want to skip multiple paragraphs in a row. I found myself getting lost numerous times throughout the book, completely forgetting what rule he was talking about (funnily enough, he has one chapter about “being precise”). I’m not sure what his editor was thinking, but there really seemed to be no attempt here to cut away at the fluff and excess; it’s borderline insulting to the reader. The book is probably 200 pages longer than it needs to be, and while sometimes entertaining, can be quite tortuous. You might miss a few good personal stories and anecdotes, but I’d recommend reading a summary over the actual book.

Score: 4/10

Notes:

· Stand up straight with your shoulders back

o If you slump around, with the bearings of someone defeated, people will assign you a lower status; your brain will internalize this lower status and begin to produce less serotonin

o Less serotonin = less happiness, more anxiety, more stress, and increased likelihood of standing down when you should stand up for yourself

o Some feedback loops exist within body language itself: if you straighten up, you will feel taller and more confident, and people’s reactions to your body language will amplify that

o Emboldened by people’s positive responses to you, you will become less anxious and have an easier time communicating with people, making it more likely that something good will happen to you

o The systems that mediate negative emotion are tightly tied to the properly cyclical circadian rhythms (i.e. sleep and eat at regular times)

· Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

o Remember that you are not simply your own possession to mistreat — the way you treat yourself can have large consequences for others around you

o We should credit ourselves and those around us for acting productively and with care, as well as with concern/thoughtfulness towards others

o We all must consider the future and think what our lives might look like if we were caring for ourselves properly; we need to know where we are so that we can start off in the right direction

o This encompasses determining where you are going, coming up with principles to live by, becoming more disciplined, keeping promises to yourself and others, and working to make all these things happen

· Make friends with people who want the best for you

o Assume that if you’re friends with someone who is a poor influence you are doing the easiest thing — standing alongside someone so your flaws look less bad

o Your attempt to help someone might just be you trying to look good pretending to solve a difficult problem — it requires more strength to stand next to someone who reminds you you’re not yet the best version of yourself

o Surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, as they won’t tolerate your cynicism and destructive habits; they’ll push you in the right direction towards what you should be doing

· Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today

o In a digitally connected world, we can instantly find someone who makes us look incompetent at whatever we’re trying to achieve

o Remember that there isn’t just one game to win, skill exists on a continuum (not just good or bad), and we can always pivot to a new game when we find ourselves unsuited to a particular one

o By comparing yourselves to others, you may inadvertently be overvaluing what you don’t have, and undervaluing what you do have

o Improvements from yesterday’s self don’t have to be large; in fact, you should aim for small improvements with a few decisions each day that can compound and build positive momentum

o Look around and ask yourself what problems exist around you, if you’re capable of fixing them, and what small actions you could take to alleviate them (negotiate with yourself)

o Part of the journey uphill may require letting certain ambitions and desires go; instead of aiming for one narrow goal that isn’t working, you might pivot or take a different route towards something else that may make your life better (and start working on it now)

o Realize that the solutions to your particular problems have to be tailored to you, personally and precisely — you should be less concerned with the actions of other people, because you have plenty to do yourself

· Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them

o Children must be shaped, informed, and properly encouraged over time

o They can be damaged as much by a lack of incisive attention as they are by abuse

o Parents need to learn to tolerate momentary anger/hatred from their children, as their capacity to care about long-term consequences is obviously limited

o Children should be socialized with both punishment and reward to reinforce correct behavior; that said, rules should be limited so as not to constantly frustrate — then use the least force necessary to enforce those rules

· Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

o The first step of cleaning up life is to start to stop doing what you know to be wrong

o You don’t need to adhere to some external code of behavior — simply only do the things you could speak of without shame

o Before you try to criticize or change the reality beyond you, you have to have your own life in order

· Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)

o While delayed gratification runs counter to our natural instincts, sacrifice now is the only means to improve the future

o If the world isn’t the one you want, it’s time to rethink both your values and what exactly you’ve been sacrificing for the future (if anything at all)

o Meaning emerges when impulses are regulated, organized, and unified; meaning ultimately gratifies impulses both now and later

o Expedience only serves to transfer you responsibility to someone else (or your future self), and never actually makes the world better in the long-run for anyone

· Tell the truth

o Naively formulated goals can transform over time into “life-lies,” or oversimplified and flawed conceptions of what we want life to look like in the future; these types of lies can be incredibly dangerous if they guide all of our behavior

o Betraying yourself by saying untrue things only serves to weaken your character; continuing to perceive and act in ways that go against your own experience only breeds inauthenticity

o If you bend everything you do blindly towards a goal, and only that goal, you won’t be open to the possibility that another goal might serve you better

· Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t

o Good listening means not constantly thinking of what you’re going to say next while the other person is talking

o Repeating/summarizing what the other person has said before you respond is a good tactic for bettering your understanding of the person

o People don’t always want solutions to their problems, rather they want to be heard and understood

· Be precise in your speech

o Refusing to specifically/precisely define success and failure in any of your endeavors (relationships, career path, other goals) is a defense mechanism to protect you against getting hurt in the event of failure

o Avoiding precision, confrontation, and honesty only serve to keep you suspended in vague disappointment — usually leading to a worse, inevitable failure later on

o If we speak carefully and precisely, we can better navigate the chaos, negotiate, or reach a new consensus; saying nothing only leaves us in a fog where improvement or betterment is impossible

· Do not bother children when they are skateboarding

o People motivated to make things better usually aren’t concerned with changing other people — or if they are, they take responsibility for making the same changes to themselves

o There’s no reason to assume that someone who claims to be acting from the highest principles actually has genuine motives

o If you cannot understand why someone did something, look at the consequences and infer the motivations

· Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street

o Existence and vulnerability/limitations are inextricably linked; our mortality and limits make us who we are

o Coping with catastrophe:

§ Have a designated time to talk and to think about the problem and how it should be managed every day; don’t talk or think about it otherwise

§ Merely having a plan will put part of your mind at ease, even if the details aren’t perfectly crafted

§ Shift the unit of time you use to frame your life, focusing on the day ahead and the tasks in front of you (rather than simply fearing what comes years down the road)

o Pay attention to small opportunities to be grateful for even on bad days; be explicit in noticing and taking those moments in

Phrases/Quotes:

· There is very little difference between the capacity for mayhem and destruction, integrated, and strength of character. This is one of the most difficult lessons of life.

· To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open.

· Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities.

· When you dare aspire upward, you reveal the inadequacy of the present and the promise of the future.

· Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak.

· It is the things that occur every single day that truly make up our lives, and time spent the same way over and over again adds up at an alarming rate.

· Meaning signifies that you are in the right place, at the right time, properly balanced between order and chaos, where everything lines up as best it can at that moment.

· You should never give up the better that resides within for the security you already have — and certainly not when you have already caught a glimpse, an undeniable glimpse, of something beyond.

· But even what is terrible in actuality often pales in significance compared to what is terrible in imagination.

· Consider, as well, that you may be blocked in your progress not because you lack opportunity, but because you have been to arrogant to make full use of what already lies in front of you.

West of the Sun

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Book Notes, Quotes, and Reviews.

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