Why does she stay?

The objective of the book, “It Could Happen to Anyone: Why Battered Women Stay”, is to shed light on and to explain the underlying reasons why women don’t and often cannot just leave when they are in an abusive relationship. It makes mention of commonly held myths, such as lesbians and gays have a less difficult time escaping an abusive relationship due to the fact that they aren’t in a legally binding contract. It then provides evidence-based explanations to dispel those myths such as it can be much more problematic for gays and lesbians to get help because they are completely cut off from family and other social contacts due to their ill-favored lifestyle choice (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). There are many case studies included that present heartbreaking accounts of all types of abuse and stalking that correspond to the research cited therein. There’s also a significant amount of statistical data included and suggestions of ideas that communities can utilize to educate and intervene so that they can hopefully eradicate the violence. This paper is an attempt to summarize the vast collection of information compiled in the book and possibly conjure up new and effective ways of stopping the violence and abuse.
Some of the initial relationship red flags that point to possible future violence may rear their ugly head in adolescent dating. Dating Violence is considered any violence, to include mental, physical, sexual, and stalking, carried out by any previous dating partner or the current one. In addition to in person perpetration, violence can also be enacted via electronic means, i.e. unwanted, excessive private messages or phone calls (Luo, Oct2014). Some evidence, gathered through self-report measures, suggests that adolescents’ violence, as compared to adult couples who are married, is worse and is more commonly equally exchanged by both partners. Also, the overwhelming majority of dating violence victims are female, at 85.9%. Compounding the problem is that it isn’t even considered a problem to the majority of teenagers, as well as other groups in society who don’t realistically consider its impact (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). Research has found evidence that the prevalence of mental health issues, to include anxiety and depression, is greater among those who have experienced dating violence (Kaura, 2007). Additionally, research results conclude that the expectancy that early experiences with dating violence raises the probability that future relationships will be violent (Capaldi, 2003).
There are several commonly held myths about why women who are battered don’t just leave the relationship. Here, the paper will discuss three myths and provide evidence that refutes it. One belief is that battered women come from non-white, low socioeconomic status (SES), uneducated back grounds, that they suffer from some mental health issue that makes them more likely to commit to an abusive relationship, or that they endured abuse as a child. The book points out that this type of thinking makes us very dissimilar to battered women and therefore not at all likely, or at least highly unlikely to become involved with a battering man. It also allows women to feel less responsible to provide help to abused women (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). However, evidence does not fully support this notion. Battered women come from all different ethnic and racial backgrounds as well as high, medium, and low SES. Though, statistics do show an increased prevalence in lower SES and among women of color (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). There are women, reared in families with healthy relationships, trapped in battering relationships. These women have never experienced child abuse, nor were they ever a witness to inter-parental abuse, and subsequently, they are not privy to the red flags that a battering man may exhibit (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). There’s no research proving that women, prior to entering a battering relationship, can be grouped into any specific diagnosable category or as having certain, specific personality traits that would predispose them to being more likely to be involved with a batterer. On the other hand, there is much research supporting a strong correlation of marital abuse and some mental illnesses (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
Another belief is that the battering is a direct result of the woman’s own doing. She must be masochistic; she must enjoy being beaten or she would leave; her own actions purposely incite the abusive episodes by her husband. In the beginning, when researchers and counselors were just starting to explore marital abuse, many wives were advised to change their behavior and work harder to make the marriage last. The truth is that she doesn’t leave because the batterer is using manipulation to break her down, money and isolation to make her completely dependent on him, her children to make her feel guilty about breaking up a home, and violent threats to instill fear in her (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
Alcohol is another overused reason to try and explain why battering episodes occur. Many people assume that the perpetrator must have been drinking alcohol each time he beat her and that alcohol exacerbated his rage. But, abusers perpetrate the violence whether they are drunk or sober (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014). If a man is sufficiently capable of keeping his anger under control, and he is typically not a jealous one, then drinking will not likely bring about any physical aggression. Also, a man who is normally violent when sober is not necessarily more likely to be violent because he has been drinking (Foran, 2008). The abuser’s goal differs from an alcoholic. His urge is to hit, while an alcoholic’s is to be inebriated (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
The book provides several key findings. Here, they will be summarized. Gender roles are taught to women by their families. Patriarchy is valued in our society, which means it is commonly accepted that men have power over women. Establishing a commitment and a home with a man allows her status. She fantasizes about the hopes and dreams for her family, which strengthens her commitment to maintaining the family cohesiveness. So, giving up on those hopes when violence occurs in the home doesn’t happen easily (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
One very unfortunate stance that society takes is that battering is in some way the victim’s fault. There are a multitude of myths attributing why men batter and why women stay. While there are some little slivers of truths to some of the myths, there’s mostly just great misunderstanding and bad assumptions. These myths, most of which place blame on women and absolve men from any wrong doing, create barriers to women leaving and staying away from the batterer (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
Non-battered women assume that battered women are different from them. They conclude that they are poor, they are mentally ill, they are masochistic, or they in some other way provoke or enjoy the violence. Thinking this way makes them feel less likely that they will end up in an abusive relationship. Evidence has not shown that women who are battered are psychologically or demographically different from women who are in a non-battering relationship. Battered women live in fear and terror, they do not enjoy the violence. Basically, anyone is susceptible to becoming involved with a batter (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
Fear is an essential component in husband-wife battering and that fear causes changes in the victim’s brain. It forces women to develop coping skills that are often ineffective. Learning theory attempts to explain how the man’s violence takes control of the woman and changes how she learns to respond to him and other environmental cues, in hopes that it will help explain why women stay. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), an anxiety disorder, has been applied to battered women and offers a comprehensive psychological explanation of the actions taken by the victims (Barnett & LaViolette, 2014).
This book was very eye opening. It fully attempted to get to the heartbreaking truth and reality of why women can’t just leave. There are so many variables and moving parts that people, who are untrained or have never experienced a violent relationship before, would not and do not recognize. Finances, lack of social support, fear of the unknown and fear of retaliation, isolation, hopelessness and depression, anxiety, etc., all come together like a perfect storm, anchoring the woman to her batterer, in what probably feels like a permanent and discouraging situation. But there is hope! Those of us on the outside are able, and hopefully willing, to help these women get out and reestablish themselves as strong, more courageous, and more resilient successful women! We are their hope.
Greater help and more support are vital to ending intimate partner violence (IPV). Establishing more shelters that are staffed by well trained counselors and volunteers and that has access to a wealth of information and choices for the women is paramount. Accommodating for their safety is an important issue as well. Making IPV a more integral part of police training curriculum should happen. Lawyers need to become more familiar with and sympathetic to IPV as well. Early detection of child abuse in school age children is a must. Social workers can be a beneficial addition to the school staff for this (Huffman, Jan2013). Through a collaborative effort, we can lessen the occurrences of IPV and child abuse.
References
Barnett, O. W., & LaViolette, A. D. (2014). It could happen to anyone: Why battered women stay. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publication.
Capaldi, D. M. (2003). Physical and psychological aggression in at-risk young couples: Stability and change in young adulthood. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 1–27.
Foran, H. &. (2008). Problem drinking, jealousy, and anger control: Variables predicting physical aggression against a partner. Journal of Family Violence, 141–148.
Huffman, A. M. (Jan2013). Students at Risk Due to a Lack of Family Cohesiveness: A Rising Need for Social Workers in Schools. Clearing House, 37–42.
Kaura, S. A. (2007). Dating violence victimization, relationship satisfaction, mental health problems, and acceptability of violence. Journal of Family Violence, 367–381.
Luo, F. &. (Oct2014). Physical dating violence victimization among sexual minority youth. American Journal of Public Health, 66–73.