Trying to Change

This is much more depressing than up wanted it to be. I cling onto my past like a crutch, afraid to fall and fail to create a solid new identity.

I bought $100+ in clothes, completely new aesthetic, I hate almost all of them. I feel like I’m stuck, as though I’m at the end of most of my personal development.

I hate this stagnation, and although the backdrop may change, I don’t feel like I do. I keep changing things around me to not feel like the emotionally unstable 17 year old who punched walls.

My knuckles hurt, they’re bruised, fresh from an outburst. It’s been three years since I’ve lashed out like this. It’s painful and heartbreaking that this is who I am still. Years of progress I thought I was making, gone. Or maybe it never was and I was lying the entire time.