Once, I experienced the Divine

Once, I experienced the Divine. I saw the Shekinah or the glory of the Divine Presence. I was 26, and had a two year old and an infant. Both were napping at the same time. God had a special place in my life; but I had questions and wondered who/what God really was. While the children napped, I laid flat on the living room rug, shut my eyes, folded my hands across my chest and said in my mind GOD, God, God; the words became quieter and then faded away.

I felt myself sink deep down into the earth, becoming one with this enormous planet and feeling its mighty rotation. Then it seemed that I was in another place spun out and away from the earth. I’m not sure it was a place, but I was elsewhere. LIGHT! Light like no one can experience here on earth was brilliantly shining. The brightness was almost severe, like lightning, but I didn’t need to look away. I sensed a Presence. It did not do nor say anything. Unseen and unheard, there was the overwhelming sense of profound LOVE. Human love often has conditions. It will judge, resent, manipulate etc., but this love was so much more. It was truly accepting of me, just as I was. I was there in a small way being present to this awesome Other Presence. Being with this Awesome Presence I experienced a bit of good old-fashioned fear and trembling.

When thought came back I wanted to remove myself from the all too powerful Presence, but I was not able to move. I tried to open my eyes, no movement. Thinking I may have died, but not wanting that to be the case, with a strong force of will I jerked my arms wide and opened my eyes. And there I was lying on the living room floor in my familiar surroundings and in control of my body.

I was astounded that I would have such an amazing experience! I felt that I had truly met God! There was a great joy within me for many days afterward. I felt so wonderfully blessed. I felt privileged to know what Joy truly means. Infinitely better than being on cloud 9 when one has their first falling in love experience. And although it may seem unbelievable, it was more joyous than the birth of our children!

I wanted to understand what the experience meant, so I went to see the local priest. Since he was teaching a class that I was attending on the contemplative prayer of the mystics St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, I assumed he would understand and become a guide. What he said was that “when Cinderella meets the King she sees that she is covered in ashes.” I had said I became afraid, meaning when one meets a truly great person. That was not the overall heart of the experience. I decided that he didn’t understand and left. After that I didn’t mention my experience to anyone else.

For many years I prayed to have that experience again. I wanted to be back and bask in that wonderful, loving accepting Light and to have that Love always palpably present to me.

Years later, in an article in Praying Magazine it referenced “white light” experiences. The message was very positive and said it can be a vocational call. That article affirmed for me the wholesomeness of my encounter.

What I gained from this experience is a belief in a Being of Love, who some name God. I was raised Roman Catholic and fear, not awe, was how I understood God. He was the ultimate judge; and getting into His heaven was tricky and difficult. If you happened to be martyred then heaven would be guaranteed. The Light/Love Presence dissolved that teaching instantly for me. Within the deepest part of my heart, I began to trust that Love is central to all Life and all of Creation.

The Love present to me was freeing and healing. Fears that I carried all my life slowly faded. I became less afraid of death. I knew that I could never deny that awesome Presence. That sense of love pervading everything is always there with me. Sometimes it is very definite and present, sometimes it is not explicitly experienced but still known in a way I cannot explain. There have been times of intense darkness and the sense of being in exile or abandoned. When the black thunderclouds roll in, I am aware that behind them the sun is still shining. Even though this occurred decades ago I still am connected to that loving Presence.