Procrastination or Perfectionism ?

Chelsea H
Chelsea H
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read

My friends know me as a “ Last Minute Hoe ”. Case in point; I am leaving to study overseas in 2 weeks, and I know I should start packing, but I also know that if it were up to me, I’d only pack the day before my flight.

Why? Well, see the thing is,

  1. my current luggage is not big enough to fit my stuff so I have to get a larger one
  2. my parents are coming along and I’m putting some items with them, but they haven’t started to pack either so I’ll wait for them to take their luggages out
  3. some of my clothes are still in the wash so I’ll wait for all my clothes to be “ready for packing”
  4. I don’t know what to pack and what to leave out so I’ll have to draft out a packing list for myself first. Until then…

In the name of efficiency and in the interest of time and effort, it only makes sense to pack when all my “issues” have been resolved right? Why start packing when it’s a waste of time and energy when I know I could pack properly once and for all, some time later?

“ Don’t be lazy. Why can’t you start earlier so you can have a peace of mind ?”

Laziness? I call it perfectionism.

My psychologist chided me one time. “ You just want to wait. Wait for the right moment when you feel like it. Wait for all the stars in the universe to align so you’ll have the right moment. Wait for everything to be in the right order and right condition before you choose to start.” I wanted everything to be right before I start. I wanted everything to be perfect.

But perfectionism is good isn’t it ?

Having ambition to be the best that you can be makes you a self driven, motivated and independent individual. These are qualities we want to be known for. Procrastination on the other hand is a big no-no. How can the two connect?

Procrastination is often a symptom of perfectionism. The fear of being unable to complete a task perfectly makes you put it off as long as possible, until you find the best time to do it. This stems from the fear that not being able to excel at whatever you do implies that you are unworthy and inadequate. The higher the fear of failure and disappointment, the more you procrastinate.

It is not uncommon to feel this way in Singapore’s academic-centric environment. “Reward for work, work for reward”. Our meritocratic system, emphasised by our over-zealous asian parents, culminates in sky-high expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting your children to succeed. It only becomes dangerous when these idealistic expectations become a “do-or-die” reality.

I fail to recall when it became my reality. I fondly remember my gleeful 5-year-old self, exhilarated by kindergarten play dates and excited about learning. I hated it when my parents would drag me off to do homework repeatedly, because they said “ practice makes perfect ”. Gradually, I became unforgivingly strict with my own academic performance. No longer was I fuelled by the promise of my mother’s rage and incessant nagging to do work. Instead, I hungered after more assignments. Practice makes perfect. I even drank magical chicken essence that guaranteed full marks.

But in the words of Maxine Hong Kingston, you can’t eat straight A’s.

I realise now that it was a vicious cycle. Unfortunately, people who strive for perfection often experience the opposite outcome of what they are trying to achieve. Whilst striving for perfection,

You either

spend far too much time on your work , wasting time in the process trying to make them perfect.

Or

procrastinate by putting off doing the tasks you want to excel at because you’re afraid of failure or of judgement if the work isn’t commendable.

In the end, you often have trouble getting work done on time or even completing things at all, jeopardising your performance.

This irrational thought process results in a damaging cycle. Your unrealistic expectations lead to the problems above. You end up underperforming and you fall below expectation. You get frustrated and disappointed with yourself. As this happens more, you start to mistakenly think that you aren’t good enough. Your ambition to be perfect kicks in again and brings you down the same path. Things spiral out of your control.

The problem isn’t procrastination

Instead, the issue to fix is your expectation. Recognise that you may or may not be expecting too much of yourself. Set realistic goals that are within your reach. Be okay with the fact that you can’t always win at everything in life. It’s about learning to be kind to yourself even when you are limited. No one is truly perfect, even the idea of perfection is flawed. Sometimes there is just no more room for improvement and that is perfectly fine. I’m not saying kill your ambition. I’m saying, set achievable targets. Take baby steps. You don’t have to be great at everything you do. If there is one thing you should be perfectionistic about, it’s to be good at loving what you do .

3rd September 2018

Chelsea H

Written by

Chelsea H

Just fumbling about , at 20.

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