A love letter to my younger self
The future is coming no matter what, my love. So be here, right now, for a moment with me. And let me ask, how much of your anxiety is about this very moment? How much of your anxiety comes from the absence of love?
They come and go, these moments, taking you with them, thrusting you into dimensions you’re not yet ready for. But it’s time to change the dynamic, my love, from push to pull. It’s time to see life as the metal to your magnet, not simply as seconds that slip through your fingers.
Yes, I know that sometimes it seems like you must do things you don’t want to before you know what to do next. And sometimes you wind up in the places you’d rather not be before you know where to go next. Often you’ll experience the opposite of what you want before you can even know it.
Life is a paradox. And so are you.
Don’t fight it, embrace it. Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Pay attention to your cycles. Honour your bleed. Accept your tears as much as your laughter. Let the shadow show you what you need to see. Moods may feel as long as a lifetime when you’re in them, but no more than a moment once they’ve passed. And let them pass, you must.
Don’t hold onto to things, or people, that don’t wish to be held. You cannot force the hand of life through exertion. Yes, effort pays dividends, but know when to stop, when to push and when to pull.
Soon you’ll discover that life requires more pulling than pushing, so you can draw in what belongs to you rather than chase what doesn’t.
Magnetise yourself. Put yourself in the way of receptivity by making you your first choice. Make your standards your own. Yes, you will be judged. Eyeballed. Examined, from top to toe. Let it all go, for your work right now rests with you. And no approval is needed from anyone but you.
You can address the judgers and haters later.
Until then, know that you will always feel everything intensely. These feelings are your guiding lights, my love. Your sensitivity does not render you silly. It is your super power. Own it. Hone it.
Learn to meditate. Every day. And pray to the Goddess within you, nevermind that others speak of the God without. And ask of yourself what you’d never dare ask of another — unconditional love. Read up on Mary Magdalene and Kali Ma.
Don’t lash out at the men in your life.
Empower yourself as a woman instead.
Know that you’re no longer a little girl. Yes, it feels that way sometimes. There’s always someone who knows better or best, isn’t there? There’s always someone who’s lightning fast to belittle you. Because you let them, my love, and you’ve no need. They’re just people, full of doubt and projecting their own pain.
One day you’ll heal them, but for now heal yourself. Push them out of you and pull me into you. I want to tell you stories of your power, because nobody else will. Nobody said you were allowed to stand up, to speak up. Nobody showed you how to shine. And you believe that no one sees you, but I see you.
So consider this your permission slip, my love, from me to you, to do all of these things and more.
Push everyone out of you and pull me into you.
Not everyone will agree with all of this. And that’s okay. There will always be a no to your yes, and a yes to your no. It doesn’t make them right and you wrong, or them wrong and you right. Their approval is not one-on-one with success. And success is not always one-on-one with happiness.
And so it goes until you realise that you, and only you, know what these things feel like. What they mean to you. What colours and shapes they form in your heart, your body and your soul.
Get to know all three, intimately.
Care for all three, passionately.
There’s a whole world within you that’s unrealised. If this is where you choose to dwell, this is also where you will become.
And this is where I’m waiting for you, my love.