Defusing situations with small tweaks in phrasing

“Not pursuing your dreams will make you unhappy”


“In my experience, not pursuing my dreams has made me unhappy”

hmmm… While we might believe the former is truth; is that actually true for everyone? Of course not.

In periods within my life, I haven’t “followed my dreams”. However, these times have been filled with personal growth that will ultimately allow me to follow my dreams.

I feel the true question is, how do we unintentionally project our reality onto others while we’re talking to them?

Within my profession, if you tell someone “your code is insecure” you are implicitly placing your reality onto them. Ultimately, all you can share is your experience, because that’s the only truth you know. By tweaking the aforementioned statement to, “In my experience, these coding practices can cause vulnerabilities”, it really defuses the situation and allows the receiver to not feel judged. Afterall, my experience can be wrong… right?

While we’re dealing with our coworkers, friends, and loved ones, I really challenge us to look at our subtleties in speech and how it impacts our conversations. This reflection has really helped me recently.

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